There’d been moments when he believed it was true, and everything seemed like it would work out. But sometimes, like that morning, when he couldn’t keep up, nothing in the world could have convinced him he was earning his keep.
“I feel like I’m falling behind,” he said, settling for something simple.
“Well, youarefalling behind,” said Clay with a small laugh. “But this is, like, your third day, and nobody expects you to keep up with ranch hands who’ve been doing this for a few seasons. When you fall behind, let someone know, so someone can step in and help, so things can get done on time.”
Now Jamie felt worse than ever, his eyes growing hot at the thought that not only had he not been able to keep up, but that he’d given someone else extra work to do.
“Listen,” said Clay. “Falling behind is not a big deal. You collapsing again, that’s a big deal. So here’s what I want you to do. Listening?”
Jamie nodded, swallowing hard. This was so different from the meat packing plant, the bodega, even the bookstore, that it was hard to believe it was real.
“Go to the dining hall and get a glass of milk, and get them to make you a sandwich. Eat that, and then come back, and you can sort horseshoe nails for Jasper or something light.”
“But there’s hay. Someone said something about hay being delivered.”
“There’s plenty of work to go around.” Clay shook his head. “Just do as I’m telling you. Don’t forget, there’s dinner and then a dance and guests to take care of. You need to go all day, but you can’t do that if—say it with me now.”
“I don’t take breaks and I don’t hydrate?” asked Jamie, his voice coming out quite thin.
“That is right. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Clay waved him off, so he headed down to the dining hall and did as Clay had asked him. No,toldhim. He sat on the porch munching on a banana and having a tall glass of cool milk, which was all he was hungry for. All the while, he thought about Leland. How he looked at him with those grey-blue eyes of his. How he’d fussed and worried about him, scolded. How he’d caught him in the shadows of the barn.
Everything. All of it. Wound up inside of him. He did not know what to do with what he was feeling.
He finished up and went back to the barn where Clay set him in the tack room with a cardboard box of nails that needed sorting into small wooden bins. By the time the dinner bell sounded, he was bored with the tack room and the nails, but felt more rested.
When Jasper came by to inspect his work, he dismissed Jamie with a silent nod, and Jamie gratefully got up to go outside and take a breath of fresh air and feel the blue-sky breezes on his skin. The ranch was a different place. A better place than where he’d come from. He just needed to do his best to earn his keep.
Clay came rushing by.
“Get a shower before dinner,” he said. “There’s another dance after.”
“Yes, sir,” said Jamie, feeling more like smiling than he had all day.
16
Jamie
Feeling hopeful, Jamie looked around for Leland while he stood in line at the buffet and got himself some chili and cornbread, found a place at a long table, and plonked his tray down so he could eat. It was foolish to imagine they might sit together, like they’d done before. Foolish to think that when he thanked Leland for everything, he’d smile that rare smile, and give Jamie a nod of approval.
Why did he need all of that from Leland? What he needed to do was take a step back and focus on his work, his own life, and not on his boss. Besides, what could he offer that Leland Tate could possibly be interested in? When he was in college, Jamie had gone on a few dates, but he’d never—never donethat. Never been with a guy.
Leland had probably dated many men, all as handsome as he was, so there was no way he’d want to spend time with someone like Jamie. Except if he did, he’d be patient, surely he would be. Patient and slow, his eyes kind as he explained how things worked. And he’d smell good, he’d smellsogood up close—
With a snap, Jamie turned his attention back to his dinner, and tried not to keep an eye out for Leland. Except when Leland did enter the dining hall and hung up his hat, it was all Jamie could do not to stare. Instantly, Leland was surrounded by a small group of guests, who chatted and laughed like Leland was a prince distributing favors. Then Brody went up to him for a quick talk, and then someone else after that. It was easy to see Leland was not alone and did not need company.
After dinner, Jamie bussed his tray and went outside and got busy helping staff who were setting up for the line dancing in front of the dining hall. They accepted his presence so easily, it felt like he’d been woven into the life of the ranch, just as natural as breathing.
“Don’t overdo,” said Clay from behind him. “Feeling better?”
“Yes, thank you,” Jamie said, turning around to greet Clay properly. “It was stupid—”
“Actually, it was stupid of me to not make sure you were drinking enough water.”
“Youdidtell me,” Jamie said.
