“I…”
The words wouldn’t come. Was I alright?
No. I wasn’t fine or well at all. I hadn’t been for days. Here I was, prisoner to the literal god of death, with three days to escape or I’d become his queen. Which wouldn’t sound so bad if he wasn’t a horrible fucking monster. He wanted to own me, hurt me, torture me for eternity. He was a murderer, and I was to wear a crown made of my ex’s bones.
He literally murdered Mark. And he’denjoyedit.
I’d also been cut, bruised, almost eaten alive, drowned, fucked, and now…
Now I was falling in love with a mysterious psychopomp who had so many secrets. I knew better than to trust him, I knew better than to give him my heart.
He was presenting my father’s soul, and for what? What did he have to gain from this? I’d already told him he could have whatever he wanted from me tonight, so it wasn’t a ploy to get in my pants.
He was doing this just so I could see my father again. To make me happy. To see me happy.
It made me wonder if demons were capable of emotions that went beyond lust and obsession. Because this was starting to feel like something way more significant, and far more dangerous.
I couldn’t think straight.
My father had been here the whole time. Not in heaven like my mother had told me all these years, floating in the clouds and smiling down on me. He was in a book, living blissfully unaware in his own memories.
This was so much to unload, my brain could barely compute. Was I happy? Sad? Angry that this was how the afterlife worked? And that the boss in charge of it all was a major dick?
Then again, he wasn’t suffering by the sounds of it. The Lord of Bones could have sent my dad to the lower layers of Hell, or even let him sit and rot in his realm. But he’d been one of the few safely kept in the Library of Souls.
Maybe the Lord of Bones wasn’t the evil asshole I took him for. At least, maybe he hadn’t always been. Maybe Catherine’s death had broken him.
I might have been too young to remember much of my dad. I only had bits and pieces of memories to hold onto.
Visions of all my trips to his grave came swimming back. I knew the gravesite better than I knew the man himself. The texture of the headstone, the intricate carvings around the edges. The vibrant blades of grass around it, and even the names on the graves next to his. I’d spent so many hours there, wishing I could be with him again.
The room swam around me and tears threatened to fall.
There was so much I wanted to say to my father. So many years I wanted to make up for, but this book was the closest I’d ever get to him.
“I’m fine,” I said after what had to be several minutes. I released a slow exhale and reached for the book with shaking hands. “I’m ready.”
Belial stiffened, the worry banked in his eyes making my heart twist in my chest. “Are you sure?”
I wasn’t sure. In fact, I was pretty damn sure Iwasn’tready. Who the hell would be? But after tonight I’d never come back to this castle. I wouldn’t have a chance like this again.
“I’m sure.” I reassured him. “I want to see him.”
Belial hesitated, like he didn’t believe me. Like he was worried I’d have another panic attack.
“You must think it’s pretty weird that I can come close to dying so many times in so many grotesque ways without much more than a blink, but you try to do something nice by showing me a book and I have a freaking meltdown.”
The demon gave a slight shake of his head. “No, Rayven. I think you’re fucking beautiful. Strong and stupidly stubborn. Inside you’re… hurting. You miss your father. There’s nothing weird about that.”
He handed the book to me and I held it to my chest for a moment before daring to open it.
“What am I going to find inside? What if he isn’t happy? What if he wasn’t what I imagined him to be in my head?”
Belial reached up to tug idly on one of the charms dangling from his horns. It was a silver stag, and toying with it nervously had to be a common thing for him by the way its sheen was worn down compared to the others.
“Perhaps you should open the book and find out for yourself.”
Tamping down on my nerves, I gave a nod. “Okay… I’m really ready.”
