“I did want to do it. For a while now.”
I blinked at him, stunned. “Great. I’ve wanted you to do it for a long time too. So why are you acting like my vagina had been coated with sandpaper? Like I was the worst lay in your life?”
His jaw tightened, and he ripped his gaze back to the road. “Trust me when I say you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, my cock included.”
“Okay, so why are you acting so weird? We’re a couple now, right?” I hated how pathetic I sounded. But that’s all I wanted, to call him mine. That had been my birthday wish, after all.
“We’renota couple, Mel. As much as I want to be, we can’t cross that line.”
His words were like a sucker punch. Was I going crazy? Was I the only one who felt this weird bond between us?
Was I just a pity fuck? Maybe he’d only done it because he’d felt sorry for me.
I turned my head away from him to look out the window, so he couldn’t see me cry.
“Don’t cry, Mel, please.”
Damn him and his perception. “I’m not crying,” I lied through a sob.
“I wish I could explain fully what’s going on.”
“Then explain!”
“I can’t. It’s complicated.”
I looked back at him, glaring through the dark of the car cab. “What’s so complicated about it? You’re acting like we’re cousins or that you’re secretly in a cult or something that forbids you from having pre-marital sex.”
Maybe it was a trick of the street lights, but I could swear I almost saw the shadow of a smile on his lips. “The latter is not far off from the reality.”
“You’re in a cult?”
“No. Kind of. Maybe. It’s more…” His breath hitched like he was searching for the right words. “Established than a cult. The simplest way to put it is that I’m…religious, I guess.”
“You’re ‘religious,’ youguess?” Even he looked upset by the pathetic excuse that had just come from him. “You arenotreligious, Gabriel. You’ve never once gone to church. You swear like a sailor, and the few times I remember you ever mentioning the Bible, it was to make fun of the people who wrote it.”
“Because they got it wrong. Not because I’m not religious. I’ve hidden that part of my life from you, Mel. And I’ve done a pretty good job of it up until recently.”
“Oh, please,” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not buying it. And you know what? Screw you for lying to me. ”
A barbed silence settled between us. Never had I felt so unwanted. For one stupid moment, I’d actually allowed myself to hope my best friend felt the same about me. But tonight’s outcome had been what I’d originally predicted.
He rejected me.
I just didn’t think he’d fuck me before doing so.
“Did I do something wrong?” I finally asked after several minutes of complete silence. “Could I have done anything differently?”
My question seems to only create deeper lines at the corner of his eyes. “No, Mel Bell. You were perfect. You always are.”
His words were spoken with such genuineness, a tenderness in his voice I know he reserved for me. But right then, it just pissed me off, stoking the flames flaring through my veins.
“Perfect?Ha. Look, if you don’t want me, just come out and say it, alright? No lame excuses. It just would have been nice if you’d said something before I gave you my virginity.”
His expression melted into one of despair and self-loathing. For some stupid reason, my heart ached for him when all I wanted was to be furious. It was like we were in sync more so than ever now.
Which just made his rejection all the more difficult to bear.
“Idowant you, Mel. I want you more than anything.” His tone dropped to a hush, so quiet I could hardly hear, almost like he was afraid of being heard. Like he was ashamed.
