Maybe…
Maybe I didn’t ruin everything I touched.
“Well, I guess I’m going to have to ask you to curb your own natural talents, because I fear Junior is at risk of liking you more than me,” I said, finishing off my beer. “And I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t think I can handle that. I’m supposed to have until he’s a teenager before he thinks I’m lame.”
“Like me more?” She snorted in disbelief. “Please. Benny worships the ground you walk on. He’s a daddy’s boy through and through.”
“He does?” I blurted before my brain could fully catch up.
I knew my son loved me, but sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder how much he hated me for letting his mother die. His grandparents. His friends. His cousins. His babysitter.Everyone.Our pack may have only consisted of thirty-five people, but after that one night, we’d gone all the way down to three.
Three.
That was it.
By being tricked, I’d let my son’s entire world be ripped away.
How could he forgive me for something like that?
I’d thought after hunting Charles down and raining retribution down on his head and the heads of his accomplices, I would have peace. That I would be able to return to my son and prove to him that I still was worth something as an alpha. But as I stood there, surrounded by blood, vomit, and other viscera, I realized nothing had healed.
All I’d brought myself was more pain.
Yes, Charles had suffered and paid for his crimes, but there was little solace in that. It hadn’t brought anyone back. My son still had no mother. The little baby that had been hidden with him had no parents at all.
We were all sofuckingbroken.
“I spy, with my little eye, something blue and yellow.”
Giselle’s voice was suddenly much firmer than it had been before, and it snapped me out of the mental trap I’d fallen into. Had I always been so pathetic, or was the situation triggering me? I was normally better put-together, but maybe that was only because I allowed myself to exist for my children. This date was very muchnotthat, so it made sense that I was feeling uncomfortable and out of my depth.
Even if I was havingsomuch fun.
Life was full of dualities and contradictions, but I wouldn’t mind if things could be a little simpler.
“Pardon?”
“I spy, with my little eye, something blue and yellow. Can you find it?”
I blinked at her a few times, and I realized my breath was actually coming quite hard and fast.
Oh. I’d been panicking again. Obviously not quite a panic attack, but definitely noticeable.
That was twice in one night that she’d saved my ass. If I kept going, it was going to become a habit.
“Hmm… is it the stained glass chandelier behind my head?” I asked without turning. And I had to admit, it was pretty gratifying when Giselle’s eyes went wide.
“How did you know that?”
“I saw it when we came in and thought it was an odd color choice for a fancy chandelier,” I said, trying to manage a wry grin. I didn’t think I succeeded, but I was rolling away from the abyss my anxiety and grief was always ready to yank me into.
“I thought theexactsame thing. Maybe we just don’t have fancy sensibilities like whoever designed this place.”
“Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly it.” I heaved a breath now that I was in relatively safe territory. “Sorry about that. I got a bit caught up in my own head.”
“Was it because I told you that your son looks up to you a lot and you have a very different mental image of how good of a parent you are to him?”
I was spending an awful lot of the date staring at her in surprise. “Do I even want to know how…?”
