His arms crossed and he looked so unlike the boy I’d grown to know and love. “I’m guessing I’m in trouble.”
Not for the first time, my teacher instincts were bang on the money, and my stomach sank, hoping against all hope that this wasn’t run-off from his father ghosting me.
“No, you’re not in trouble, Benny. In fact, I’m worried about you.” He didn’t say anything, malevolently staring at the floor like it had personally assaulted him. That wouldn’t do. I knew Benny well, and while he could be contemplative, pensive, or even anxious, straight-upmadjust wasn’t like him. “The after-school art program told me you weren’t there and they missed you, and that when they called your dad, he didn’t answer either. That’s not really like the two of you. just wanted to make sure everything’s okay.”
“But I’m not in trouble? Even though I’ve been… cranky?”
I crouched in front of his desk, putting all the warmth and understanding in my voice that I could. “No, of course not, Benny. Sometimes emotions are complicated and messy, and we act in ways we don’t mean. It’s okay if you’re just having a bad day, and your dad too. As long as you’re safe.
“But if it’s something I can help with, I’m here to help. I know it’s been just you guys for a long time, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.”
Benny’s brow furrowed, but it seemed like his anger was ebbing and it was more like he was thinking deeply. I let him, staying crouched back on my heels in the Asian squat posture that I’d learned was much more comfortable for putting myself on eye level with younger students than bending at the waist or kneeling.
It was hard to remain patient and unhurried, because my heart was hammering as I braced myself for Benny to tell me why they all hated me now. I loved kids, I really did, but sometimes they had absolutely no idea how hurtful the things they said could be.
“It’s that time of year again,” he said finally, as if that explained everything. But I found myself a bit mystified.
“May I ask what you mean by that?” Although I was trying to shove my own ego down, it didn’t sound like something related to me. But I sternly reminded myself that I was not the important one at the moment and locked those thoughts in a chest to be dealt with later.
Instead, I tried to think if there were any holidays that were coming up that would trigger him missing his mother, but really there was just summer break or the Fourth of July.
“Two years.”
“Pardon?” It was a bit like pulling teeth, but Benny had grown so verbose and open with me that his reticence made me want to decode everything.
“It’s… It’s going to be two years since… since…” His voice cracked, and when he looked at me again, his eyes were red and brimming with unshed tears.
That was when it hit me.
He was talking about the anniversary of the massacre. Of the day that he’d hidden underground and listened to his mother being tortured and slain while trying to keep a nine-month-old baby quiet. The day Ben had returned to his pack lands to find everyone he’d ever loved and had a relationship with mercilessly slaughtered.
Ohno!
How could I have been so stupid? I’d spent nearly a week mourning a relationship and hadn’t even bothered tothinkabout Ben’s trauma. Where was my faith? My trust? He’d been so kind to me, but the moment we’d hit a bump, I’d let my insecurities poison me. I should have… should have…
Well, no use for what-ifs and should-haves. I had made my choices, and I needed to move forward.
More importantly, Ben, Benny, and Veronica needed my help.
“I wish you’d come over,” Benny said, his voice quivering. “It’s… sad at home. I hate it. Daddy is having even more nightmares and cries all the time. I can hear him in his room. He doesn’t really come out, and when he does, he’s always angry. I hate it. I hate it, and I miss you!”
He flung himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck, and holding on to me with a surprising amount of strength. I was reminded of a warning Mrs. Hayashi had given me about Benny showing some early signs of shifter abilities without having an animal form. Apparently, it was his body’s way of trying to protect him after the horrific trauma and wasn’t entirely unheard of.
“I’m so sorry, Benny. I didn’t know. But if you would like me to help, both you and your daddy, I would be happy to.”
I felt him begin to cry before I heard it, and I held him that much more tightly. “Yes, please, Miss Fischbacher. I don’t know what to do.”
Neither did I, but come hell or high water, I was going to dosomething.
TWENTY-THREE
BEN
Below Rock Bottom
My stomach was growling, my hair was greasy, and I needed to pee.
But I still couldn’t get up.
