And the truth is—you have.We all have.Even if we don’t always recognize it at first.
Some people encounter it early, before they know what to call it.For others, it shows up after the damage is done—it settles in beside you and refuses to leave.
Sometimes it’s the low hum in the background of your best days, the dull ache in your chest when things are going well and you still can’t breathe right.
The real secret isn’t whether it’s there.It’s what we do with it once we realize it is.
Some people avoid it altogether—keep their heads down, create distractions, fill every second with movement or noise so they don’t have to look too closely.Others try to fight it, hard, like wrestling shadows.They wear themselves out trying to be stronger than it, as if strength means never feeling the thing that’s been following them around for years.
And then there are the ones who learn to sit with it.
They do it not because they like it or because they’ve surrendered to it, but because they understand there’s no getting rid of something so deeply woven into how they process the world.They live their lives next to it.They learn its shape, its patterns, the way it shifts at night.They don’t embrace it—but they stop pretending it isn’t there.
Either way, it’s a fight.Every damn day.
A fight to keep showing up, keep making things, keep connecting.
Sometimes keep reaching for something—anything—that feels like light, even if you’re not sure what you’ll find when you get there.
And maybe that’s enough.
Not to fix it.
But to remind yourself that you’re still here.That you still get to choose what kind of story you live in, even if some parts were written without your permission.
That’s why I keep listening.
Maybe that’s also why I keep writing to you.
Because even when I know that music doesn’t cure it, I now remember that music soothes it.Through music, I can let myself feel, even breathe, and love.
So, thank you for chatting with this insomniac and helping me find what I might be looking for.
ChapterThirteen
Private Message | EchoZone Internal Chat
From: StringTheory27
To: DeadStrings
Date: April 30th, 1997 10:08 PM
Subject: (none)
“Never Is a Promise”—Fiona Apple
Private Message| EchoZone Internal Chat
From: DeadStrings
To: StringTheory27
Date: May 1st, 1997 1:43 AM
Subject: (none)
“Swallowed”—Bush
