My stomach turns.“He’s blaming me?”
“No,” she says quickly.“Not blaming.More like ...seeing you reminded him of what he lost.Of who he used to be.He doesn’t think he can be the man you deserve.So he’s spiraling.He’s trying to fix everything at once—every fuck-up, every misstep.And you can’t fix years of shit in sixty-some days.”
I nod once, slowly.“Well, I wish him the best.”
And I mean it.Even if it feels like a lie.
She gives me a look I don’t know what to do with.Soft and sad and almost apologetic.Like she’s carrying grief for both of us and isn’t sure which of us deserves it more.
“What is that?”I ask, my voice sharper now.“Are you pitying me?”
She doesn’t flinch.“It’s just sad,” she says, gently.“Sad to know that no matter what he does, you’re never going to forgive him.”
My throat tightens, but I push through.“Would you forgive a guy if he cheated on you?”I ask because that’s what it always comes back to.Not just the betrayal, but the rewriting of everything that came before it.How it makes you question your memory, your judgment, your worth.
Cleo’s face stills.Her lips part like she’s about to answer, but nothing comes.She drops her gaze, chewing on the thought like it has thorns.
“Relationships are complicated,” she says after a moment.Her voice is quiet, thoughtful.“I don’t know if I could be with a man who loves someone else too.Who asks me to accept him as that?”
I’m a bit confused at her statement, but too much of a coward to press the issue since this might keep us on the subject I like to avoid: Roderick Wilder.It’s safer if I just explain the goals for today and leave.Bernice needs to see me as soon as possible, and I have to check on Dad, whom I’ve ignored all weekend.
At least I don’t have to deal with Timothy anymore.Should I take that as the first step to take charge of my life?Probably tell Bernice she’s welcome to deal with the agency and my father ...well, I still have to make sure he recovers.That’s the least I could do for him, right?
ChapterSixty-Seven
Private Message | EchoZone Internal Chat
From: DeadStrings
To: StringTheory27
Date: May 20th, 1997, 3:31 AM
Subject: Insomnia
So apparently,according to my therapist, today is supposed to be the first day of the rest of my life.I guess someone forgot to send that memo to my brain.It’s almost four in the morning, and sleep is just another thing I’ve been circling without getting close.
I try to play some music, but everything sounds wrong, like someone else’s soundtrack bleeding into my thoughts.It’s as if whatever part of my brain that allows me to play has broken beyond repair.
Are you there?
Totally okay if you’re not.I know this is one of those “write it and close your eyes” kind of hours.But if by any chance you are around, I need a second opinion on something that’s been gnawing at me.
I heard this new U2 song—“Staring at the Sun.”And look, I tried.Really.But Bono almost made me yawn.Respectfully.It’s not bad, just ...it’s like they’re trying to be profound but lost the map somewhere between “Zooropa” and enlightenment.
You’re the only person I know who might actually hear something I missed.There’s a line about denial and staring down the truth, but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel uplifted or like I’m being scolded with reverb.
What do I take from this?
Is there something hidden in there worth staying awake for?
Or should I just call it a night and blame the moon again?
Let me know.Or don’t.Just needed to send something out so the silence didn’t win.
ChapterSixty-Eight
Private Message | EchoZone Internal Chat
