All right, ye beastie.Let’s see what we can do, hmm?
First, she played a D major scale, and after a couple of slightly scratchy passes, as she grew used to the new strings and new bow, and after adjusting the bow tension, her bowing technique improved, as did her intonation.After playing the scale two more times, followed by a G major scale, she paused before settling on “Wild Rover.”
To Aisling’s delight, Tamsin started singing along, even clapping during the chorus.
When she finished playing it all the way through, she lowered the fiddle and sniffled back more tears.“Da would have me sit on his lap when I was just a pup.Showed me how to bow, how to find the notes by putting his fingers over mine.Took me a few weeks to figure it out.Taught me the tin whistle, too.My brothers were all shite at it.Preferred football to music.”
She wiped away tears against her shoulder.“I remember going down to the pub with him sometimes when Mam was working, and he’d let me play in sets with him and his mates as long as I hurried home in time to be in bed before Mam got home.I wasn’t supposed to be there, but the owner was a friend of his.They’d hand a pint to any guards what made their way inside, and they’d look the other way while listenin’ to us play.Sometimes he’d have me play whistle, sometimes fiddle.Could play the bones and a bodhrán, too.”
She sniffled again.“Last time we played together, I was eleven.Mam was working a double shift all night so I could stay until Da left.I didn’t have school the next day.Last song we played was ‘Parting Glass,’ and he even poured a little from his pint into my cup so I could toast with them.Just a swallow, mind ye.”
Tears stung her eyes as she dredged up memories she’d tried for too damned long to bury because they hurt too much to remember.“Only time I ever got to drink with him.A week later, he and Nic and Paddy were dead.Saddest damned thing is they weren’t even fightin’.Mindin’ their own business.They got caught in a car bomb blast while on their way home from helpin’ out a friend workin’ on his roof.Their own mates had set it off.‘Collateral damage,’ the feckin’ head cunt told Mam when he stopped by after their wake.Handed her a couple thousand pounds and said they’d bring her more over the next few months.”
She tamped back the old, familiar rage, the helplessness.“He called ’em ‘unsung heroes.’Like that made everything better.Like that’d be a comfort looking at empty seats around the table for meals, or fillin’ the empty side of her bed every night.What little there was of our pack paid for their funerals and had to help us out more often than not every month until we were all out of school and fendin’ fer ourselves and sendin’ money back to Mam to help her keep the house.Two of my brothers still live with her with their wives and what kids are still young enough to live at home, makin’ sure she’s taken care of.That’s one of the reasons I enlisted, to be able to help care for her.”
Tamsin laid her hands over Aisling’s.“I’m so sorry.”
She sniffled.“Yeah, well, it’s in the past, innit?Long before you were even born.”Another hoarse laugh.“Hell, I’ve got niblings old enough to be yer folks.”
“But it’syourpain,yourtrauma,” Tamsin insisted.“And it’s every bit as valid as mine or anyone else’s.That’s why I need you to stop thinking you need to silo your pain.Especially from me.I’m yours, and you’re mine, and that means we take the whole messy package we each are, exactly as we are in this moment.For better or worse.”
Aisling finally met her gaze again.“The Goddess is a fickle damned cunt, ain’t she?”
Tamsin smiled.“She is.But maybe She’s trying to atone in the only way She can.To balance the scales somewhat.It doesn’t erase our pasts or magically remove the pain from our souls, but now we have each other to lean on and love and to make new and happy memories with.And I know Maisie would want me to be happy.Just like I’m sure your Da and brothers would want you to be happy.Just like I know had I died and Maisie survived, I know if she met a new mate I’d be thrilled for her.”
Aisling hoarsely laughed.“Not so sure how thrilled Mam will be when I tell her about us.”
Tamsin cocked her head.“You think she’ll be upset you’re gay?”
“I dunno.I haven’t been around much.And, like with Imani, all I have to do is divert to the subject of any of the grands, and that’s all she can go on about.So…” She shrugged.“Let’s just say I’m glad Trevor and Elizabeth are on our side.And all this lot here, of course.”She tipped her head, indicating the house—and the Targhees.
“What about your brothers and sister?”Tamsin asked.“Their spouses?”
Aisling shrugged.“Dunno.Reason and hope tell me at least a few will be okay, or maybe won’t object.But I can’t promise some of them won’t be absolute cunts about it.”
“Play something else?Please?”
Not that Aisling thought she’d ever be able to say no to her mate, but it was easier than talking with her emotions running so high and fierce.Aisling checked the tuning once more before fitting the fiddle and playing “St.Anne’s Reel.”As Tamsin looked on, she softly clapped her hands in time, and Aisling lost herself in the music.
She’d never expected to see this instrument again, much less play it.She’d never had the heart to play another, either.
Seemed Tamsin was doing a lot to rebuild Aisling’s heart and soul, and that was something Aisling had long ago given up on as being an impossible venture.
When she finished the song, she looked up to see tears in Tamsin’s eyes, even though she was smiling.
“Did I play that horribly, pet?”
She shook her head.“No.It’s just I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile the way you are now.You have a beautiful smile, love.You look peaceful.Contented.”
Heat filled Aisling’s cheeks and she suddenly couldn’t look Tamsin in the eyes.“I hope I can live up to the opinion you seem to have of me.”
Tamsin leaned in and kissed her, taking control of it, holding Aisling’s head in place, and it felt like the entire world stopped spinning, everything outside of this moment just… gone.
Thiswas her world, right here.Tamsin, and little Maisie.
When Tamsin finally ended the kiss, she waited until Aisling once again looked her in the eyes.“I wouldn’t say that I’m one to feel particularly spiritual,” Tamsin said, “but I’m also not mental enough to argue with the Goddess’ plans.Especially when she’s brought us together.It wasn’t the Goddess who took our loved ones from us—those were evil men.But it comforts me to believe we have the Goddess’ blessings to feel happy because we now have each other.”
“Perhaps yer right, pet.”She tucked a strand of Tamsin’s hair behind her ear.“Did ye decide on the weddin’ yet?”
