Beck drew in another breath, trying to sort out his thoughts as he spoke. “You have always been fearless, Dewi. I think part of me envies that in you. Even as I knew it was my duty to teach you to live without fear. What’s that garbage about the student becoming better than the teacher, right?”
He glanced at her, knew she was watching him, and he plunged forward. “I love Nami. She is my mate, and while before I met her there were times I almost resented how much I loved you because I knew you didn’t feel a mate bond connection with me, I willalwaysbe grateful for those short years we had together. Because they were beautiful.”
He harshly laughed. “The irony is that when you were my lover, it was easier for me to let go and watch you work and not worry about you in that way, to treat you as my partner, because I knew you could kick my ass. Now I’m back to feeling like I did when you were six and I nearly shit myself because I took my eyes off you for two damned minutes to take a phone call from Peyton, and then I couldn’t find you, just to hear you call my name and I look up to see, there you are,runningacross the roof of the house! Shifted.”
She smiled. “You screamed like a little girl. And even louder when I jumped off into your arms.”
He shoved down the memory of other screams.
Fromthatnight.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know I have to learn to let go,” he said. “We had several years there where we could effortlessly bounce in and out of each other’s beds while we did our jobs, and everything kind of merged together. When you met Ken it finally hammered home for me that I wasn’t the only guy out there lucky enough to be with you. I wasn’t even the best guy to be with you. No complaints, because I love him. He’s family, but even more importantly, he’spack. Besides, now I have Nami. I might not ever have met her had you not met Ken.Andwe’re having a baby.”
Beck slowly shook his head. “I know you love Nami, and how much you’re going to love our baby, because I know how much I love Ken, and that I’m going to love your baby. We are where we’re supposed to be. You’ve been in my life for over half my life—and I’ve been in yours your entire life—but there will always be pieces of my soul remembering how crisp the air felt that night, how the smoke from the fire curled up into the dark and how clear the stars looked, the smooth taste of the Aberfeldy as we drank toasts to your birth. Your dad and brothers and Badger and several others, everyone laughing. Charlie laughing.”
His nose prickled and he sniffled back the tears threatening. “I wish you could remember how he sounded when he laughed. It was big and broad and never cruel. I don’t think Charlie had a cruel bone in his body. Protective, yes. Strong, absolutely. But it takes more strength to be kind than it does to be cruel.
“Your mom gave the best hugs. And Goddess, could she cook! Don’t tell my mom, please, but Chelsea could take the most boring ingredients and turn it into a feast. No one ever left her house hungry.Ever. She wouldn’t stand for it. She told anyone who’d listen that she couldn’t wait to start teaching you how to cook. Food was a love language to her. Not feeling good? She brought you soup. Feeling down? She made you cookies. Celebrating? She whipped up cakes. She always had to make three of whatever she was bringing to the pot lucks, especially casseroles, because everyone homed in on them first and wanted some. Not because she was Charlie’s wife and they wanted to make themselves look good, but because she was the best cook in the pack.
“When everyone says you look so much like her, even sound like her, we’re not exaggerating. Pictures and videos don’t do her justice—you are the mirror image of your mother. I still have trouble reconciling that Trent and Peyton and I are only a couple of years younger now than she was when we lost her. But I also see Charlie in you. When you’re concentrating, the way your brow furrows, the way you set your jaw when you focus. The immovable determination. The strength of your protective nature. As a wolf, you look like a smaller version of him.”
Dewi’s eyes brimmed but he forged onward. “After…thatnight, no matter what any of us tried, we couldn’t get you to laugh, to smile, the way you did…before. And we trieddamnedhard.” He choked up. “I honestly never thought I’d live to see the day I’d ever hear you laugh again. And what I don’t think Peyton or Trent or Badger or I have completely conveyed to you is your laugh sounds likehers. And it’ssodamned good to hear it.”
She reached over and squeezed his hand but didn’t speak.
“You made the right call,” he finally said. “You did. Even if, Goddess forbid, something had happened to you while chasing that guy, you still made the right call. You made the kind of call that Ishouldhave readily made myself. And I should not have argued with you. But I’m still trying to find my new footing, I guess. You’re all correct that if Duncan had been there that night he probably would have been murdered, too. And I also know it would destroy me to lose you, but it wouldkillme to lose Nami. I see Tamsin struggling to get through it, and how Ken somehow disobeyed your Prime order to save your life, and as much as I don’t want to admit it I’m starting to understand why Duncan tried to kill himself. Because there’s a bond that goes deeper than any you and I ever had. Badger himself told me the only reason he lived after losing Tahlia was the blood oath Charlie begged him to swear.”
He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m sorry for yesterday. I’m trying, but I’m a work in progress. I know I will have times I need you and Nami and everyone else to remind me to back off and let these two little girls of ours, and any others we have, just be who they need to be. And I need to remember to let you be who you are. Because I’m still learning how to be okay with not being in control of everything. You’re good at what you do, and I have to cement it in my mind that we are now on the third step in our journey together—you were a kid, and then we were lovers, and now we’re friends, family, and pack. I can’t revert back to step one, to how I worried about you when you were a kid.”
She sniffled, blinking back tears.
He nodded his head to her for her to go.
Dewi remained silent for a long moment. Then, “I need to ask you something, and I need you to be completely, brutally honest without me having to Prime you for that honesty. Please?”
“Of course.”
It took her a moment and he felt how much she didn’t want to ask this, meaning dread was quickly building inside him as a result.
“You refused to sleep with me until I turned eighteen…”
Oh, shit. Here we go.
At the time, Beck had felt a vague sense of unease until Badger, Peyton, and Trent had all assured Beck they didn’t have a problem with what relationships Dewi had with him or any other consenting adult after she turned eighteen. Especially any she sought out and initiated.
And Beck had never actuallythoughtof Dewi as his daughter. She’d never treated Beck as a “dad,” either. That was always reserved for Badger. Badger and Dewi absolutely did have a father-daughter bond, but Badger was also far older than Beck, and had been Charlie’s second. Was like a second dad to Peyton and Trent from their births.
To Beck, Dewi hadalwaysbeen Charlie and Chelsea Bleacke’s daughter.
He’d also honestly never thought of her sexually until she was a few months shy of eighteen, after she’d broken up with her latest boyfriend and then she’d started dropping innuendos and hints into nearly every conversation they had until Beck flat-out told her no, because she was a minor. It was common for there to be noticeable age differences in wolf relationships, especially if they pinged on a human mate. Not only did wolves mature faster than humans, they lived a lot longer.
No one cared if teenagers—within reason—messed around with minors their same age orslightlyolder, if they were an older teen. It was an explicit understanding, however, that when there was an age difference and one side was considerably older than eighteen, regardless of the gender or orientation, paws off minors.
Period.
Being raised like that in the pack, Beck honestly never saw Dewi that way until she’d started dropping hints the size of anvils on his head.
Once that switch flipped, however, he held that line firmly.
