“Sure, buddy.” He kisses me, smiling. “Becausesomeonehas to give me a celebratory cock sucking after Ciro wins. Might as well be the slut.”
Like that, my mood lifts somewhat because his smile looks like my old Leo, my Master before he owned a pet POTUS and spent years forced to pretend he wasn’t who he really was to me.
My world. My universe.
The gravity holding my cells together and protecting my very sanity.
“I’m ready for this to be over,” I quietly admit.
I don’t need to explain what I mean to him. “I know. But I’m so fuckingproudof you for everything you’ve achieved. I promise, the morning of January 21st, you’ll wake up to me in charge and you can kick back and justbefor a while.”
My eyes fall closed against the tears pricking them. I don’t want him to see me cry and worry about me. “Thank you, Leo.”
Another sad sigh as he presses his lips to my forehead. “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you, Elliot? HowproudI am of you?”
Maybe he won’t hear how shaky my breath sounds. “Thank you for having faith in me. And for not walking away.”
“Which time?” he teases and we both chuckle.
I splash a little water on my face with my free hand before I open my eyes. His brown gaze steadily meets mine. “I mean it,” I say. “And thank you for putting me here.”
“Hey, you did that yourself. I’m good, and connected, but notthatgood and connected.”
“Bullshit.Youare the reason Shae picked me.”
“No,youwere the reason she picked you.Iwas her insurance policy.”
“I promise I’ll spend the rest of our lives together making it up to you.”
“Yeah, well, you’d better.” His gaze searches mine for a long moment. “You were absolutely worth the wait. And worth all the faith I placed in you, and then some.”
“You’re gonna make me cry, asshole.”
“You mean more than you already are?” He smirks and leans in, licking the tracks of my tears from my cheeks. “That’s a fetish, you know. One I’ve loved enjoying with you over the years. Can’t wait to get back to it.”
“I know. You hate making the boy cry.”
“No, I hatehurtingthe boy. Ilovemaking him cry when he’s so horny he can’t see straight. Youlikeit when I make you cry from pain.” His smile fades. “You don’t ‘deserve’ pain, El. I know you don’t want to let me in about it. But once we’re civvies, I’m going to discreetly interview a few candidates and find someone for you to work this shit out with once and for all. Youwillgo, and youwilltalk with them.”
I can’t help it that heat rises in my cheeks. “What shit?” I mumble.
“You fucking know what shit. The nightmares. You talk in your sleep.” Horror fills me as he continues. “I warned Jordan about it years ago in case you did it when you were together. He’s never told me if you do, beyond that you’ve had nightmares. But I quit counting the times you apologized in your sleep, feeling guilty about what happened.”
I try to sit up and pull away but he’s got better leverage from outside the tub and he yanks me back to him with his forearm across my chest.
“Stop. Let me see if I have this anywhere close to right. You think that for some reason you’re responsible for what happened that day in the desert. Right?”
“They weremyguys. They were—”
“You are no more responsible for their deaths than I was for the men I lost in the plane crash. Even though we hated the fucking candidate we were working for and really didn’t want to be there. Whatever mental processes or distractions you had that day that you mistakenly believe might have played a role in what happened didnot.”
“I should have turned back sooner!” The words are out before I even realize I’ve said them.
He’s quiet for a moment. For too long of a moment. “Who did you want to see that day, Elliot? And why?Tellme. You’ve said it in your sleep. It’s just me and you right now and you can say or doanythingand I’ll always love you. I think I’ve proved that.Tellme.”
I clamp my eyes closed but even that can’t hold back the storms crashing against my mental dam, which tonight finally fails.
He ends up wrapping both arms around me from behind, not caring that I’m getting him wet as I sob the story out to him. The whole time he keeps his cheek pressed against mine, doesn’t interrupt me.
