“Ican’t, El. Physically he’s not—”
“Emotionally, Leo.”
He studies me again. “So you’re saying I need to talk dirty to him more often during sex? Okay, fine, I can do that—”
“No. This isn’t about talking dirty. You are a Dominant. Our Master, our Owner. You never have the urge to just let go to either or both of us, do you? I don’t mean us making you obey the doctors’ orders. I’m talking in bed, or in our dynamic. More than bottoming for sex. I mean you never have the urge or the need to step over the line and fully hand power and control of yourself to us.”
That last point’s not a question because we both know the answer.
It takes him a moment to finally admit it, meaning he’s already starting to follow my train of thought. “No. I don’t.”
“Okay.” I carefully gentle my voice for this next part. “You know both of us. You’ve seen us at our best and worst. And we gladly hand ourselves over to you because we trust and love you. But what Jordan and I have works because we each have a Toppy side for our jobs and can apply it to our dynamic, too. Jordan isn’t as much of a bastard as either of us are, and believe me, that’s fine. But on occasion he knows how to wrench a few deeply hidden levers in my brain that just…trip every circuit breaker in the best way possible. I don’t need or even want that all the time. It’s… Think of it like fries made with truffle oil. It’s a rich seasoning added to something already damned good.
“But there is a part of Jordan whoneedsme to reach into his brain on occasion and do that to him, too. Again, not all the time. Due to our circumstances here he hasn’t received it nearly often enough. To you, having him squirming between us and calling him our horny little slut is hot. Yes, it is. But to him, that barely scratches the surface of the itch he sometimes needs scratched. And one of the conversations both of us know needed to happen with you once I’m out of office is figuring out how he and I can have some alone time away from you to make that kind of play happen for him.”
“But…the two of you can do or say anything in front of me. You know I won’t judge you for it.”
“Really? You think so, huh?” I take a deep breath. “So you’re okay with me locking him up and not letting him touch his cock for month? You’re okay with me only letting him come if he can fuck it out of himself on my cock or hand or using a toy? With me ordering him to be our cumdump?”
He blinks as he stares at me. Before he can reply I forge ahead. “You’re okay with me calling him my slutty little ass whore in front of you? And making him humiliate himself sexually for me? And even then not rewarding him with an orgasm no matter how much he debases himself? Because if you’ve paid attention to me in POTUS mode, take that and multiply it by a bastard quotient of ten. It’s not just your sweet, innocent boy who disappears when we play like that, Leo. Your submissive pet goes away, too, and two men you don’t know at all appear in our places.”
I take a deep breath. “Once Ciro’s sworn in, things return to normal between the three of us. But I am running out of time to do this for him. You take it for granted that you get to fuck the president will because you’ve been fucking me for years. As you pointed out, Jordan’s molded hisentirelife around ours. He’s not even forty and he gave up all his dreams for you and me because he loves us. And as the leader of the free world, if I want to lock my study door and order him to bend over so I can fuck him in the middle of the day? That’s a pretty heady aphrodisiac to him.
“He didn’t know safety until Mimi. Then he lost her and ended up with us. We make him feel safe and loved. You love and want us. My huge emotional hang-up was needing my father’s approval. That’s what drove me for years. Well, Jordan’s drive is he wanted someone toneedhim. And Idoneed him, Leo.”
I take a moment to gather my thoughts before speaking to make sure I phrase this correctly. “I love you. I’ll doanythingfor you. But Ineedhim. Ineedhim in a way I, god help me, never needed you because I forced myself to do without you for so long. And I’m so sorry, because that was unfair to you.
“But then Jordan arrived and he consumed my every thought, man.” I suck in a deep breath. “I’m the first person in Jordan’s life who literallyneededhim. He accepted the job as my body man out of duty and because his love for you, and knowing our love for each other, but mostly because Ineededhim. But what neither of you knew at the time was exactly how much I needed him, and still do.”
He chews on my words for a moment. “And what about when you need Jordan’s Sir mode?” he finally asks. “How is that fair to Jordan to demand he shed whatever role you want to call this so he can get you through a situation only to discard Sir again? Jordan’s not a fetish dispenser—he’s our husband.”
“I know. Sure, I can call up his Sir if I really need him. But Jordan’s Sir is intrinsically tied to him being an alpha at his job. And if you haven’t noticed…” I indicate the room and then hold up my left hand and point at my ring finger. “You and I aremarriednow. It’s not like it was before when I was in the closet and couldn’t see you when I was desperate. I can get my Master fix from you whenever I need it, and Jordan’s Sir gets a well-deserved vacation.”
“But you don’tneedme, is what you mean,” he quietly says.
I think we’re past the worst of it. I round the wheelchair, move his laptop to the floor, and sit so I can hold his hand. “No, I don’t need you—Iwantyou. And Iloveyou. And Jordan. And he wants and loves us. But isn’t this exactly what you hoped would happen? That we’d fall hard for each other? Mission accomplished, hubby. You did it. Do we need you? No. Wewantyou. Wechooseyou.Becausewe love you.
“He’s given up so much for me, Leo. More than I ever had a right to ask of him. So have you. I admit that, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to both of you once all this ends. But we’re at a point where, for the next few months, Jordan can be my willing fucktoy.”
I smile. “He has the satisfaction of knowing he’s theonlyman on the face of this planet I’ll grab and fuck wheneverIwant to. I’m the man who summons him into my office onAir Force Oneand orders him to suck my cock while I call a foreign leader on the phone. I’m the president of the goddamned United States and it was his mouth sucking my cock during my PDB. I’m the man who sent a team of Secret Service agents after him to bring him to me on the most famous airplane in the goddamned world and Ibeggedhim to come work for me. I literally dropped to my kneesbeggedhim, and sucked his cock, Leo. Because Ineededhim.”
Leo smiles. “Yeah, that was pretty smart of you. Going after him like that.”
“I know, right? Sometimes I have good ideas.” I squeeze his hand and with my free hand indicate the room again. “Thisall goes away in a few months. I know Jordan will still love and want both of us after that, but we’ll be nesting in our new home, oursafeplace, able to run around naked all day long and not worry who sees us. The whole element of perceived danger goes away. But this issafedanger. Because he’s worked his ass off for me all these years, again I say it’s time for me to repay the favor in the only way I can, while I can.”
He sighs. “No safeword? Really?”
“Only for bad pain or actual harm.”
“How do you know you won’t break him in bad ways emotionally?”
“I promise I won’t. As he himself has said, he knows how to safeword. He knows if we end this early we go back to being equals under you and we do that already.” I squeeze his hand again. “And once I’m no longer POTUS I’m not going to want to be his ‘Mister President’ most of the time. I’m only going to want to beyourpet. I’ll be more than ready to spend my days obeying your every command, and even Jordan’s, if he’s feeling his oats. I know we’ll want to spice things up once in a while but not like we are now.
“Jordanneedshis brain shut completely down the way I do, andthisis what really does it for him. I know this because Igetit. I bet if you have a sit-down with Kev he’ll be able to tell you a similar tale. About being a switch, I mean.”
I let the quiet spin out between us for a moment because I know he’s mulling everything over.
“I’m a psychologist, El. Why do you think I won’t be able to handle watching you two play like that?”
