“You both know this is easy, right?” Leo says. “This is, no shit, the simplest surgery I’ve ever had short of them taking my tonsils out when I was a kid.”
“They’re putting you under,” I note. “That’s not ‘easy.’ If it were me, I’d have to sign one of those letters for Ciro to be in charge in case I didn’t come out of it.”
Jordan’s not weighing in although I feel his gaze on me from the other side of the bed.
Is this fair to Jordan when I know he’s worried, too? To put the bulk of the responsibility of keeping me calm on him when I know he shoulders his own worries about Leo?
No.
But life’s not fair.
If it was I’d still have two legs and there’d be men alive who died that same day. Jordan’s Mimi would still be alive. Leo’s team would have all survived.
Leo squeezes my hand and meets his gaze as his smile fades. “Love you, El.”
Fear grips me. “Love you, too. But you just said you’re not dying.”
“I’m not. I want to say it anyway. Jordan, get over here.”
Jordan rounds the bed so we’re standing next to each other.
“I love you, too, Jor,” Leo says.
“Love you, Leo,” he replies.
“Why are we doing this?” I nervously ask.
“Shh,” Leo says. He stares into my eyes. “Never leave anything unsaid. Right?”
Jordan and I both nod. “Right,” we echo, making Leo smile.
“I love both of you more than my own life,” he continues. “You realize that, yes?”
We both nod.
“Okay, then.” He reaches over so he can hold both our hands. “I don’t claim to be perfect. Never have. Sometimes I wish I’d done things differently in the past. Made you come out in the beginning,” he says to me. “Made you stay,” he says to Jordan. “Then I think about what we havenow. Was I selfish to want both of you once we hit that point? Yeah, except look where we are as a result. Maybe what we have will never be turned into a Hallmark movie but if all three of us didn’t make the decisions we made we wouldn’t behere, right now,together. Right?”
Jordan and I nod again.
“I’llneverregret that,” Leo says. “Would you?”
Jordan and I exchange a glance. “No,” we both say.
“I don’t regret anything except walking away,” Jordan adds, looking me in the eyes. “I regret not having the faith in you that Leo did and sticking things out. I regret not asking Leo to order me to stay, or at least beg him to come bring me home.”
I swallow back the lump in my throat. “I regret not being honest with Leo from the first night I met you, Jordan,” I whisper, ghosts of my old emotional terrors nipping at my soul. “And I regret keeping Leo in limbo for years. I regret letting my fear control me for so long. But Leo’s right—if I had come out earlier, you and I wouldn’t be here right now. And I don’t regret a second of any ofthis. If I wasn’t POTUS I’d scream it from the mountaintops that you’re our husband.”
Jordan’s smile fills me with brilliant, cleansing light and chases away the moldy shadows that usually darken my soul.
Leo squeezes our hands hard. “Now, let’s be honest there’s almost zero chance of me having a complication. But in case that happens we all know where we stand with each other. Right?”
“Yeah,” I say.
Leo looks at Jordan. “Right?”
Jordan nods and leans in, kissing him. “Right.”
“And if the worst ever happens to me, you two would stay together and keep loving each other, right?”
