Not because I don’t want to know but because Jordan and Leo do their best to keep extraneous items off my mental plate. When I’m dealing with running the country the last thing I need is to get bogged down with minutiae, like whether or not my men are fucking or eating dinner or whatnot.
Icanask, obviously. Sometimes I do ask, like when Jordan and I are safely snuggled in bed in those sweet moments before we fall asleep.
Many times I don’t. Mostly because I don’t like the jealousy that sometimes hits me at the thought of them doing things together that I can’t do with either of them. Inevitably, when that jealousy arrives, self-loathing washes in on its heels because,duh, I ran for this office.
I did this to myself.
Literally. I have no one to blame but myself.
The rational part of me who loves Leo and Jordanwantsthem to go out and spend time together and have a great time.
Anormallife, whatever that is.
The petulant, wounded, sulking part of me wishes they were with me.
It’s not impossible for my guilt over Leo being alone so much and my guilt over Jordan not getting to spend much-needed time with Leo as often as he should to no-so-peacefully coexist with my periodic jealousy.
Hey, if you didn’t figure out I have emotional issues before now that’stotallyonyou. I believe we have established that baseline without any doubts whatsoever.
It’s nearly one a.m. when we finish the last call and Orson and the interpreter depart, leaving me and Ciro alone in the Oval Office.
He looks as tired as I feel. “Any questions so far?” I ask.
“No, sir. I appreciate being included.”
I stand, and so does he. Because it’s protocol that when the president stands, everyone stands. “Well, it’s time to take the training wheels off. I want you to be able to completely smear whichever poor dumb schmuck the GOP settles on to run against you. Having foreign policy experience in your portfolio will counter any arguments that you don’t have a solid enough background in that department.” I shake with him. “Give you a feel for this office now so you don’t feel dumped into it when you win.”
“Honestly? I was surprised when you asked me to run with you. I thought you were going to offer me a cabinet-level position since I was only in my first term. Ily told me she thought you were going to approach me about VP, but I couldn’t process that.”
“Heh. Bet you didn’t mindthat‘see I told you so’ from her.”
“Not in the least.” He smiles. “I don’t even mind that she’ll never let me live it down. Have a good night, Mister President.”
“You, too. Say hello to your family for me.” I don’t correct him on not using my name this time because I’m tired and we are in the Oval.
“Thank you. I will.” His detail escorts him out, heading to a residence I know all too well because I lived there for eight years.
I gather my things and loosen my tie as I return to the residence. I’m reasonably certain Jordan’s not home yet because he would have had the switchboard alert him when my calls ended and met me down here to order me to bed.
That theory is confirmed when I enter our bedroom and find myself alone.
Which…suuucks.
In fact, the two of them are probably naked in the middle of Leo’s bed at this moment, sound asleep after wearing each other out, with Jordan hopefully getting the downtime he’s desperately overdue and rightfully deserves.
Funny. I love Leo. Hell, I’mproposingto him next Saturday.
I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
But in this moment I’m definitelywaymore territorial over Jordan. When I honestly examine my feelings, I realize I’ve felt like that about Jordan since meeting him.
And I don’t know if I’m feeling like that because Jordan’s spending time with Leo…or because Jordan’s not here spending time withme. Jealously is nowhere in my soul when it’s the three of us together. It’s hotter than hell watching Leo and Jordan together.
Huh.
Definitely something I need to unpack in the future but I don’t have the emotional energy to do so tonight.
Just a few days left.
