Able to relax around each other, shed all our masks and disguises, and just be who we are.
And be happy together while doing it.
Chapter Twenty
Eddie
I catch myself humming while I prepare my coffee and it takes me a moment to process that I’m…happy.
Not just happy—I feelcontent.
This is not something I’ve ever felt before. Not that I can remember. Even my times with Carter were just temporary interludes I knew couldn’t last, so I never allowed myself any kind of deep emotional vulnerability.
Which, to be honest, was a huge part of my problem and became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’m still not used to seeing Jace lying next to me in bed when I awaken. He looks and sounds so much like Carter it’s eerie. But his personality is different, and their Dominance is different. I think Carter was afraid to give me too much for fear he’d enjoy it for too long and grow hard and cold. I know there’s a soft place in Jace’s heart for me, but he’s not afraid of what he can do, or afraid to give me what I need and can take.
He relishes giving it to me every bit as much as he relishes training me from the ground up in healthy ways I never understood before.
I don’t know what kind of sadist Carter matured into, but we got our start with the same toxic wellspring that tainted both our souls.
Jace didn’t.
It’ll take some getting used to, this positive reinforcement he uses on me. But as long as he’ll still give me the pain and control I crave and relish, I will humor my Master’s every whim.
Because I love Him, and He loves me.
He killed me to save me, and legally made me His.
I don’t take that lightly.
On my way back to the porch with my coffee I hear the intercom chime indicating someone’s at the front gate. Before I can even walk over and check the camera feed, Jace has literally rushed into the house with a gun in his hand, and I don’t even know where he grabbed that from.
The cold calculation on his expression scares even me. “Get dressed, pet.”
I pivot mid-stride and hurry to the bedroom. I’m yanking on pajama pants when he calls out, “Stand down. No weapon—it’s safe. Pants and shirt.”
I grab the T-shirt Jace wore yesterday from where it ended up on the floor by the bed last night and pull it on. I do that sometimes, smell His clothes or wear them so I’m bathed in His scent.
When I return to the kitchen, he’s tucked the gun into a holster clipped to the back of his waistband.
“Who is it?” I ask.
“I have a feeling he’s here to talk to you. Maybe not so much me.” Before I can ask about that comment I hear the crunch of tires in the gravel driveway out front. “Answer the door, pet. It’s okay.”
I’m aware of him fading back as I make my way into the foyer, peering through the viewfinder first.
Carter steps out of the Mercedes SUV, dark sunglasses shading his gaze as he no doubt sweeps his focus around the yard before walking up to the front porch.
Some of those many nights so long ago flash into my brain. Of Germany and me sneaking into his room, and our time in-country, when we stole any private moment we could anywhere we could.
Hating that my pulse races and my heart pounds in my chest, I watch him walk toward me, the expression on his face liquifying my guts the way it always could.
But when he stops on our front porch and removes his shades, I see an older, wiser Carter, one who never would be the man I need him to be now. Mainly, because he’s not capable of it due to promises he’s made to others.
And that’s mostly my fault, for pushing him away back them.
Those could have been promises to me.
