And that he deserves to be truly happy and free from the chains of his nightmares and ingrained beliefs.
Maybe he’ll willingly let me be that person for him, I don’t know. There’s still the whole problem of Eddie and I needing to keep what we have concealed in the shadows, for now. Outside of Carter finding out, that is. He’s the only one I’m comfortable learning about this, and only because of what I know about him.
And who we have in common.
Perhaps we can buy property in Florida, so at least I can spend time with Carter and his family.
If Carter doesn’t disown and hate me after all’s said and done, that is. Except if Eddie dies in the pursuit of our shared vengeance, I am reasonably Carter will disown me.
No apologies on my part for that possibility being baked into our plan, either. For now, Eddie’s my tool, my hammer. A beloved tool, and a hammer I’m enjoying the hell out of pounding, but he’s still my tool.
Once this mission is completed, only then can I contemplate our future together. Until then, we’re embroiled in a silent, secret war with Cunningham.
War is hell, but vengeance is sweet. I don’t give a flying fuck what everyone says about turning the other cheek in forgiveness. You turn the other cheek, you’ll get yourself bent over a colonel’s desk and soon end up hating your own soul, thinking you deserve nothing better.
Had I known about Elsa Pfeiffer, I would have seen to her myself years ago. Eddie deserves this one last kill to silence his demons, quiet his soul, and close the door forever on his painful past. Because it’s never too late to start living a new life.
If I’m very lucky, he’ll willingly want to continue living it with me.
That Cunningham’s death will slake my need for vengeance in the process is a bonus.
Although most of my vengeance is fueled by wounds inflicted on my family, thanks to the monster who once wore a uniform.
Next to me, Eddie stirs. I give him just a moment to open his eyes before I fist his hair and shove him down toward my cock. His soft, sweet moan as his warm mouth engulfs me tells me, yes, I guessed right.
There is no gentle sedution with him. He wants to be subdued.
Needsit. His soul craves surrender to a stronger force than himself. Fortunately for him, I won’t abuse that trust he’s placed in me the way so many others have in his past.
Once we’re both safely through with this I can start building our relationship from the ground up therightway, thehealthyway. Because I’m not letting Eddie go. Eddie belongs to me now, and I won’t cede ownership of him to anyone. Not even to my little brother. Especially not after all my pet’s endured and survived.
On the other side, that’s something I will work on with him immediately. Teach him that love and sex don’t have to be hard and cold. If it’s not a lesson he can take to heart, at least I can lovingly provide the strict discipline his soul craves so no other predators can ever take advantage of him again. We can both stop running from the world and find a soft crash-landing in each other’s arms.
I hope.
Lord, please let that be our future.
I don’t want to do this any longer. I don’t want to spend every day looking over my shoulder. I’m tired of subterfuge and dossiers and liquidation lists because someone pissed off the wrong world leader. I’m tired of not being able to view the world immediately around me with an appreciation for what is obvious, inherent beauty and instead I must constantly stay on alert for threats, or to assess future ops.
I want to be retired and finally get a chance toenjoymy goddamned life. I’ve sought revenge for so long I’ve ignored my own needs.
Until Eddie.
Carter always wanted kids, so maybe some aspects of this worked out for the best. Eddie never wanted kids, and neither did I. Carter has Susa and Owen and two beautiful sons, with possibly more children in their future. His life is as full and blessed as mine was empty and cursed.
I close my eyes and brace my feet against the mattress so I can flex my hips in time with Eddie’s movements. He’s damned good with his mouth. No shit, the best I’ve ever had.
It’s only slightly weird that I know my brother fucked him and had more than a little to do with the man’s fantastic skills in bed.
Whether or not Eddie willingly wants to stay with me once we’ve obtained our revenge is another matter entirely. Prisoner or pet, I don’t care which. Although pet would logistically be easier to manage over the long haul. Regardless, I can keep him captive if I have to, because he’s dead to my handlers. If he pops up alive again, he’ll end up on someone else’s hit list, and they likely won’t be as willing to keep him alive as I was.
If that ends up happening, I’d prefer to quickly and humanely take him out myself so he doesn’t suffer. Isn’t that what a responsible pet owner does? Makes end-of-life decisions when their pet’s quality of life is no longer present?
At least I had periods of relative normality in my life. I had a social life, of sorts. I had liaisons aplenty. Hiding who I am from my family didn’t put a dent in any of those activities. I simply kept my personal activities limited to overseas, where none of my family could discover them.
Eddie’s never even had that. He’s relegated himself to anonymous encounters that left him feeling dirty and full of shame about himself and only reinforced those old demons throughout the years, allowing them to scream nonstop in his brain, overtaking and controlling his soul. He’s never done the hard and miserable self-work to reconcile who he is with what he does personally, or learned that neither are things to be ashamed of.
My release soon bubbles up and I spill, forcing my cock deep in his mouth and catching my breath as he swallows like the perfectly good boy he is.
