Yes, I’m in love, but I’m no idiot. Don’t want him waking up in fear and then blindly reacting on his own instincts instead of my orders.
After a quick shower in the other bathroom, I head down to the living room, because with this decision now settled in my mind I have things to set into motion, and they can’t be delayed.
On a burner phone, I use an encrypted VPN and the Signal app to place a call to the VOIP number my long-time primary handler uses, a phone number that’s listed everywhere as belonging to a computer programmer and someone my “company” frequently hires as an “independent consultant,” so as not to draw any attention to our contacts.
Webs of subterfuge and lies and careful constructs designed to keep us all alive and secure. All of it bullshit.
All of it meaningless.
“Jason, how are you?” he asks after I identify myself and use our latest code phrase to let him know I can talk safely. “Heard your last business trip went well.”
I don’t fuck around. “Rich, I messed up my back on my last business trip,” I say. “Just calling to let you know I’m filing my retirement papers, effective at the end of the month. I’m no longer field-worthy. I’m removing myself from rotation and active duty, effective immediately. Take me off the list.”
He starts to laugh before it fades. “You’reserious?”
“Yeah.” I think about the man sleeping in my bed upstairs. My pet. “I’m winding down all operations on my end with my company. I don’t have any outstanding projects to hand off to others, so it won’t take me long to shutter everything.”
“Wait. You’re not just fucking around with me?”
“No, I’m not fucking around with you. I’m giving you a heads-up so they can take me off the call list, and so they know to expect my paperwork coming through the pipe.”
“Um…wow.”
I lean against the kitchen wall and stare at the shitty fridge, an old relic that was probably one of the last models produced in the former Soviet era. Compared to my stainless one in the Paris flat, it’s a dinosaur.
I’ma dinosaur.
A lethal dinosaur, but life is an inevitable meteor that will take me out no matter how vicious and capable I am.
And I still have a score to settle before it does. Now, with Eddie by my side, I know I can fulfill my oath I swore on Pete and Tom’s caskets.
“Between you and me,” I say, “literally, my last project nearly went completely south on me. It was the wake-up call I’ve been dodging for the last five years, at least. I’ve been trying to deny I’m over the hill, but I’m fifty-seven years old. I can’t ignore it any longer. I likely won’t get so lucky the next time.”
“Do you want to apply for a desk transfer from field work to one of the main offices?”
“No. I’m completely out as of the end of the month. Besides, my parents are elderly, and my brother will be high-profile in a few weeks when his wife’s sworn in. I am no longer an effective asset to this organization for several reasons, and it’s time to go out before I embarrass myself or trigger an incident that can’t be easily explained away. Or, worse, get someone terminated from our company.”
His tone turns somber. “You have an exemplary record, Jace. Nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Exactly. I’mnotashamed. But I’m going to move back to the States so I can be near my family and start reconnecting with them in person. My parents won’t live forever. Can you make sure to shepherd my retirement papers through once they’re filed?”
“Yeah, sure.” He chuckles. “Damn. All these years, I honestly never thought you’d leave before me. It’s like it’s in your blood.”
“I know. But I’d rather that blood stayinmy body.” I glance at the time. “Listen, I’ll get those papers filed in the next few days, once I’m back in Paris.”
“Are you safe now? Do you need an exfil, or a medic team to retrieve you?”
“Nah, nothing melodramatic like that.” I force a laugh. “I need a chiropractor more than I need anything. Right now, I’m on bedrest for a few days. Don’t worry, I’m not expensing it or filing workmen’s comp.”
He laughs again. “No worries. Hey, hold off at least four days before you file.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m scheduled to forward another installment on your contract, and I don’t want to push it earlier and raise flags.” He laughs. “Hey, our tax dollars at work, right? Consider it your gold watch. Merry Hanukkahmasyuleanza, my friend. Use it in good health.”
Relief fills me. That’s been a running joke of his for years when he’s about to drop black-budget Bitcoin on me. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, well, if you’re retiring, that only leaves me two field accounts to manage. I’ll probably start handing them off and file my own papers. Enjoy my grandkids for a change. Maybe take up golf. Put balls in holes, man.”
