If we had more time, I’d go buy a new one for this, but maybe this is better. I’ve had this knife for over thirty years. It’s not a throwaway.
Neither is Eddie.
“You have a choice to make today,” I say, keeping my tone soft and low. He’s going to be gentled whether he likes it or not. I will teach him about affection, about pleasure that doesn’t have to come on the heels of the bad kind of pain.
I will teach him about love, and that true love doesn’t hurt in bad ways.
That he can love and be loved and only accept the pain he wants to, and keep that pain only in his body, not his heart and soul.
Waiting until his hazel gaze finally stills and settles on me, butterflies swarm inside me as I say it. “You need a Master, and I want you as my pet. Theonlypet I want and need. Never anyone else but us. I will always be the Alpha in this duet, always on top, in every way.”
His eyes widen even more, his entire body trembling. He nods a little. Such a good boy, even now he won’t speak without permission.
“But if you want to be mine, you need to know I am going to mark you. You will beg to bleed for me and wear my mark.”
He licks his lips and nods again, a little more forcefully this time.
“And I will put that mark where I want it, understood?”
I think he’s finally jumped on my train of thought, because this time his nod is even more eager than before.
“If you want me to be your owner, your Master—yourAlpha, then start begging, pet.”
He turns a little on the bed to face me while maintaining his head down-ass up position. “Sir, please let me belong to you and wear your mark! I need you…”
I let him go on for several minutes, reaching out with my free hand and rubbing the top of his head while he does. He’s already dropped himself deep into subspace and probably doesn’t even realize it.
Finally, I fist his hair and wrench his head up and back so I can lean in. “Forever, pet. That’s what this is. We have to do some things, take care of some unfinished business in the States. Once we do, then you and I are going to move someplace quiet and I will spend the rest of our lives together showing you how a loving relationship should be handled. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir! Please!”
I tighten my grip on his hair. “We’re going to kill Callahan. I’m going to retire. We’ll get you a new identity. You’re going to marry me, and there will be no decision you ever make again that I don’t first sign off on.”
“Please!”
I release his hair and shove his head down onto the bed. Then I proceed to use the belt on his ass, viciously striping his flesh with it while he sobs and cries and yet still manages to wiggle his ass in delight.
I don’t spend much time on that but I want him to build new memories starting here and now. Dropping the belt onto the floor, I wrap my fingers around the back of his collar and pin him down with that. Working one-handed, I unscrew the cap from the bottle of rubbing alcohol, then flick the knife open one-handed and dip the blade into it. I set the knife on his back, then pour some alcohol over the scar.
Setting that aside, I pick up the knife again.
“Pledge yourself to me, pet. Tell me your vows. This is the last and only chance you get to make a decision for yourself without my input.”
The tears choking his voice are almost enough to make me stop and talk to him but I realize Ican’t. Heneedsthis catharsis.
He needsme.
“I want you to be my Master. I will spend the rest of my life as your willing pet and slave, Sir. I want to give my body and blood to you, to do with as you will. I need you above me and as my Alpha, Sir. I need and want only you. Please, make me bleed for you to prove my worth and worthiness.”
Fuck, this is heartbreaking, but it’s the only way to rid him of this once and for all so he can enjoy what’s left of his life.
With me.
I press the tip of the blade to the top of the triangle. “You will wear your Alpha’s mark forever, pet. It will hurt, but it will heal. And as it does, you can always remember it’s there as proof of my love for you. Even if you have to be away from me, you will carry this sign of my love for you, proof of my promise to you that you are my one and only, and that you are the only one my heart and soul want or need. That you are more than enough for me, and that you are perfect for me.”
Am I in love with him?
Maybe. I think I am.
