My guess is the guy cruised by my house at some point this morning when he hit town and then went to the motel to get a room and await Desi’s return. He likely didn’t want to confront me when Desi was here, knowing Desi would call him out for lying.
I give up trying not to laugh. “Buddy, you are so full of crap. He already called to warn me you might show up here. Jester was all over him last night and this morning. You’d be in a serious state if you really were rooming with him. You’re obviously not telling the truth, because his clothes would have cat hair all over them and you would have been a mess before you even arrived here. Oh, and FYI, he spent the night withmelast night. All night, and all day, too, until just a little while ago.”
He leans away from me as if I’m radioactive. “He…spent thenightwith you?”
I’m enjoying this now. I lean against the doorway and ruffle Jester’s fur as I scratch him and watch the gentle breeze from the fans in the house behind me waft more cat hair and dander in my visitor’s direction.
“Yeah, he did. Rocked my worldhard.” Two can play this game. “He also told me he’s never slept with you, and you were a pity date just to keep his mom happy. Also, that you pathetically won’t accept him breaking up with you a few weeks ago. If you need to borrow a quarter to buy a clue, I’ll loan it to you.” Okay, that’s quickly veering from petty into downright mean, but I’m feeling mean.
Reallymean.
He sniffles and sneezes. “I don’t understand what he sees in you! You run a hardware store! I made over $750k last year. I own aJaguar!”
Jester looks up at me and maows. “Well, I happen to own a gorgeous mini orange panther, and I’m not a conceited douchebag. By the way, his mom did like me. She just hated that I wouldn’t give up my life and my family’s legacy to follow Desi around and be a kept man. I—”
We both look as Desi wheels his SUV into the driveway, where he screeches to a halt. He’s barely shut it off when he jumps out and stalks over.
Freddy actually takes a step back and I don’t blame him. I’ve never seen Desi look enraged before.
It’s pretty danged hot, to be honest.
“Whatare you doing here?” Desi roars.
Dang. Good thing I’m holding Jester, or I’d have to rearrange myself. He’s sexy as all get out like this.
Who knew?
“I-I was looking for you!”
“Bullshit.”
“Well you told me you were going to be working in your room!” Freddy actually punctuates that with a nod of his head, like he thinks he’s scored a point.
“I wasn’t. I was packing and waiting for a chance to get out of there without you watching me from your room. You knocked on my door and said you were going out for dinner.”
Freddy jabs a finger at Desi. “You lied to me!”
Desi and I both burst out laughing. “Dude,” I say. “You actually dated this douchebag?”
“Thank god I never slept with him,” Desi says and walks over to give me a kiss that nearly makes me drop my cat. Then, he drapes an arm around my shoulders as he faces off with Freddy. “Don’t make me file a restraining order against you. Or a complaint with the Florida Bar.”
He gasps. “You can’t do that!”
“I can, and I will, if you don’t leave me the heck alone.”
Freddy looks from me to Desi and back again. “I-I will call your mother and tell her about this!”
Desi shrugs. “Go ahead. That’ll save me the trouble.”
Freddy tries to look indignant but a series of violent sneezes interrupts his posing and makes him take a couple of steps back, to the first step leading down from the porch. “This isn’t over, Desi.”
“Uh, yeah, it is. It’sbeenover, but you’ve been too stubborn to accept it.”
He glares at Desi before looking at me. “He told me you were horrible in bed. That he only stayed with you because he felt sorry for you. That he was bored and wanted to be back in Miami. You will never make him happy.”
I’m ashamed to admit all those arrows strike home, deeply and painfully, but I don’t so much as flinch. I know he’s desperate and lying, yet it doesn’t make the barbs hurt any less. “He’s never slept with you,” I say. “Mainly because you’re a liar and he doesn’t respect you. But thank you for being the way you are. You helped him see how much he missed me and Maudlin Falls.” I offer him a sweet smile. “Because of you, he came back to me.”
Freddy gasps and then flounces like some melodramatic vaudeville villain.
