Sad.
This is the first time I’ve had to really sit in quiet contemplation of today’s revelations and verifications that my emotional radar is still completely functional.
I perch on the edge of the bed and sip my drink. “You’re sleeping on the sofa tonight.” We don’t have a guest bedroom here at the townhouse. We use the spare bedroom as a home office.
He hesitates but finally nods.
“Do not ask me when I’ll let you sleep in bed with me, either. The more you ask, the longer it will be. I’ll evaluate my feelings on a daily basis.”
He nods again.
I reach up and untie his right wrist. He can untie the other one himself. “Donotspeak to me until tomorrow morning, either. I fucking mean it. And clean this mess up. You can also fix your own goddamned dinner.” I admit it—I flounce. I lock myself in the master bathroom and take a long, hot shower.
I feel like I want to scrub my skin right off my body because I enjoyed doing that way too damned much.
The last thing I want to do is fall for Ward Callahan right now. If he walks away from Liam again, I will be the one left picking up the pieces, and we can’t both be broken at the same time. It’ll kill whatever is left between me and Liam.
When I finally emerge from the shower after having used up all the hot water, I drain what’s left of my drink. I’m not even buzzed, unfortunately.
I pull my robe on and listen at the bedroom door for a moment. I don’t hear anything, so I’m guessing that means he’s not in the room. Carefully, I ease the door open and find the coast is clear.
He’s also tidied up the bed.
As I start to cross the room, I catch myself shaking my right hand and realize no, my bracelet isn’t there.
It’s on a man who’s somewhere in the DC Metro area, but he’s not here.
Not that I’d be wearing it right now even if it wasn’t on Ward’s wrist.
I suck in a sharp breath, almost painful.
What have I done?
The bedroom door is closed and I sink onto the edge of the bed and spend a few minutes trying not to hyperventilate while choking back my tears.
God, what have I done?
I’ve never claimed to be a perfect Christian. Never flouted my faith in other people’s faces, never used it to hide behind and disguise discrimination.
But I took my vows seriously.
All Liam had to do was tell me. That’sall.
He knew damn well what I’d been through, what I’d survived.
That horse has long left the stable now. Somehow, I need to find a way to get past it and move forward.
Because if all this falls apart around me, I’m going to need to pick myself up off the ground to get on with the rest of my life.
Honestly? I never thought I’d ever be alone again.
And now I don’t even know if I’m still going to have a marriage in the near future.
* * * *
I retreat to the bathroom to wash my face and blow my nose. My stomach rumbles, reminding me that I haven’t had anything to eat since my coffee and bagel this morning before work. Not even water.
Other than the two drinks.
