“Raised Episcopal but I’m attending a UU church now that I really love.”
Of all the twists and turns I thought this conversation might take, this wasn’t one I anticipated. I must be slipping. “Isn’t that one of those hippy-dippy churches? New-Agey?” I say that with a playful tone and smile I hope he knows means I’m joking.
“It’s very inclusive. Sort of a mix between Methodist and Episcopal, but the pastor sometimes blends in things from other faiths.” He pauses. “Want to go with me tomorrow?”
I need a second to process that. I’ve been asked out on dates to a lot of places in the past, but never to church. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. Seriously.”
Actually, I’d been planning on sleeping in. I’ve attended church the last several Sundays, but I thought I’d catch up on my rest tomorrow.
Except how many times do I have areallyhot guy I gel with so nicely…wanting to take me tochurch?
Put me on my knees and make me sayOh, God, sure, I’ve had that. Not a literal church, though. “You have to come pick me up. And I want coffee on the way, please.”
He smiles. “Sure. Where do you live?”
“About ten minutes from here.”
“We can attend the second service instead of the early one. I’d need to pick you up by ten, to make sure we’re not late.”
“Okay. Deal.” Now he’s done more than perk up my cock—he’s caught my interest on a deeper level, and that can be a dangerous thing.
Within twenty-four hours, though, not only am I happily spanked and well-fucked, I also know I’m already falling hard for the sad, hottie attorney.
Despite my soul wanting me to take things slow, I understand I can’t control who I fall in love with. Icancontrol what I do in response to those feelings, absolutely, and I make it clear that marriage isn’t in the cards for me.
He says he’s okay with that.
Liam Michael Davis soon becomes the center of my world, the keeper of my trust, and the owner of my heart and soul.
Not to mention my body.
While I give him all I am, no matter how hard I try I know it’ll never be enough to heal those deeply embedded shards of pain within him. I even let him have access to a tracker app on my phone, in hopes that might help ease his mind and reassure him I’m in this for the long-haul.
Giving up my privacy like that is not anything I ever thought I’d willingly do, but there you have it. Love will make you do crazy things sometimes.
By four years into this, I realize I do trust Liam in every way. I cannot speak to what he feels for me, other than what my eyes see in his actions.
Everything he does declares his love for me, his patience with me.
I guess that’s why I say yes when he proposes after my years of swearing I’d never get married, but only after laying down the hall-pass fuck exception.
I want him to understand that I know pain and I know loss, and I understand them on an intimate level that many do not. I don’t devalue what he suffered, because it fucked his life and dreams in one of the cruelest ways possible.
He needs to name his ghost, metaphorically speaking. If he can acknowledge there’s still space in his heart for that mystery man, maybe it’ll help him heal.
Besides, there’s no fucking way I’d turn down a chance to fuck Ryan Reynolds, should he cross my path and be willing and able to be DTF.
The day Liam and I get married, I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and spending my life with the perfect man for me. On that day, Liam vowed to love, honor, cherish, protect, and care for me. By default, I assumed that would mean he’d follow the rules laid out through the hall-pass fuck exception.
What I didn’t count on was how much deeper his pain ran than even I realized at the time.
Now look where we are.
