Worse?
I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to save my marriage from my own stupidity.
Jamming his hands into his pockets, Daniel stares at the phone. “I looked at the pictures and read the e-mails.” He sniffles, then chokes it back. “You fucked him that night, didn’t you? Your late meeting? The night of the day he was sworn in?”
Shame fills me as I nod. “And at lunch.”
“That’s why you sent him the e-mail dump that night. Because you felt guilty.”
I nod.
“Motherfucker,” he mutters, staring at the floor. Then he turns away from me and when I step toward him, he wards me off. “Don’t.”
I don’t know what to do, what to say.
How to fix this.
If it’s even possible to fix this.
I wait for him to speak again. “How many times have you fucked him since that day? How many times have you been with him over the past couple of weeks?”
Shame wells up as tears I don’t try to blink away. “Nearly every day.”
“In the hideaway?”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t bring him here, or grab a hotel room, or go to his place? There’s no CCTV footage floating around showing you two checking into a no-tell motel in Alexandria, or something stupid like that?”
“No.”
He finally turns to face me. His calm is almost worse, in this moment. I wish he’d rage, scream, come after me. Those emotions I could easily deal with.
But him standing there, refusing to meet my gaze right now, and knowing he’s shattered inside—because of my actions—is killing me.
“Did you know he was elected before he showed up?”
“No.” I can barely speak now. “I hadn’t Googled him in a couple of years. I didn’t know he was going to be there.”
“You didn’t bother to scan the list of incoming senators? I find that hard to believe.”
“I’ve been busy, and you know it. I’ve been focused on my work. Besides, he’s GOP.”
He slowly shakes his head. “Fuck me, that’s right, he’s GOP. That makes it even worse. Not only is my hubby cheating on me, he’s doing it across the aisle with one ofthem. How fucking bipartisan of you, asshole.” He snorts. “At least he’s toeing the party line by having an illicit affair with another married senator. Party of fucking family values, indeed. Why didn’t you ever tell me his name? You didn’t think I could keep a secret? Didn’t you trust me?”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“Protectme? How? Don’t you mean protect yourself and him?”
“Because his father’s a rich, powerful, narcissistic prick. He’s dangerous. Literally. I didn’t want you going after Ward on my behalf and maybe getting his father’s attention.”
“You mean, you didn’t want me doing anything to your precious ‘ghost.’”
There is that, too, but I’m smart enough to not agree with him or confirm it.
“Dammit, Liam, this isnota better alternative. You could’ve said that to me about the guy. Cute that you think I’m some sort of rabid attack dog without any self-control, but I’m not a fucking idiot. Like, I don’t go doing stupid things that could ruin my life and career and reputation, such as fucking a fellow married senator in myfucking hideaway office in the goddamned capitol building!”
That he raises his voice at the end terrifies me. He doesn’t raise his voice when he’s upset, usually. Normally, it drops in tone to quiet, calm registers and he effortlessly eviscerates people with his words.
He shakes his head at me again. “I thought you were a lot smarter than that, Liam. I thought I married a brilliant man I could trust.” He sadly laughs. “Maybeyoushould switch parties. You’ll fit right in with the other damned religious hypocrites. They’ll welcome you with open arms, too, I’m sure. Good, church-going married man gets caught having a gay affair.” A bitter laugh slides free. “At least the gay part won’t be a shocker to most of them. About you, I mean. It’ll piss off Callahan’s buddies, I’m sure.”
“I want to make this right.”
“Hall-pass fuck or not,howdo you take this back, Liam?” he screams. “Howis what you did loving me, honoring me, or cherishing me in any damned way? How is it protecting me and caring for me?How?”
I don’t know what to say to him, because he’s absolutely right.
I’ve shitted all over our vows, vows I once considered sacred.
I still do, even though I have no idea where to go from here.
