“Nervous about tonight,” I admit.
His eyebrows lift. “Ah, the meeting with Senator Samuels.”
I nod. “Yeah.” Technically, not a lie.
When I make my way to the hideaway later that afternoon, I’m shocked and relieved when Ward arrives moments after I do.
I need to say it. “Look, I’m sorry about the e-mails last night. I—”
He grabs me and kisses me, and ten minutes later…
Yeah.
I guess I’m forgiven.
Once we’re spent and lying there, sprawled on the floor and over each other, he speaks. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you before I left New York. I knew you’d try to talk me out of going. I was literally scared for your life if I stayed with you. I had no way of knowing what Dad might do. I thought I’d figure out some way to get free from him in a year or so, but…”
“You didn’t,” I finally say.
He shakes his head. “I was trapped. I’m still trapped, but I’m finally chewing my leg off.”
I snicker and kiss the top of his head. “Metaphorically.”
“At this point, I’d be willing to sacrifice a leg if it means being free and clear of my father and wife forever.”
Tipping his head back so I can look him in the eyes, I struggle for words. “I can’t promise you what comes next, or when. Or that it’ll be easy.”
“I know. Even this is more than I ever hoped for.”
“No second chances, though. You ghost me again, you’re dead to me.”
“I promise I won’t.”
We both need to clean up and return to our offices, but I want five more minutes with him. We can text and talk with the burner phones but that’s not the same as having him in my arms.
Not after so many years apart.
Especially when, in some ways, it feels like we didn’t spend a day away from each other.
“I’m sorry I never got to meet your parents,” he says.
I nod, tears now pricking my eyes in a way I’m shocked hasn’t happened already. “Yeah. Me, too. They would’ve loved you.”
“He’s going to hate me and demand you end all contact with me.”
I sigh. “I hope not. I hope if Daniel hates anyone, it’s me. I can deal with that a lot easier than him hating you.”
“Why?”
Raking my fingers through his hair, I once again try to put words to my turbulent thoughts. “I never could completely hate you because I didn’t know why you left. I think I convinced myself it was my fault somehow, and you were afraid to tell me. Every time I bumped against the invisible wall of you with my relationship with Daniel, I felt guilty when he would get angry at you on my behalf. Because I had no idea if that anger was even directed at the right person.”
He snuggles tighter against me. “I’ll take anything either of you want to dish out to me. I’ll prove to you that you can trust me.”
“By having an affair with his husband when you’re already married. And the wrong party. I’m not sure which will piss him off more, to be honest.”
“What about the hall pass?”
I roll him onto his back. “I think he thinks he was serious when he offered it to me. Maybe he was. But I can’t just drop this on him. I’ll tell him I was shocked and processing everything and wanted to talk things out with you before cashing in.”
“And if he says no?”
“I won’t deal with a hypothetical. He’s a man of his word.”
And I honestly don’t know what I’ll do if he says no. I guess all I can do is try to stack the deck in my favor.
And pray like Hell.
