We sit there for several minutes and I don’t know what to do, what to say. Part of me’s still not certain I won’t awaken at any moment to find myself in my own bed and realize this was a really weird, anxiety-fueled first-day dream.
I have those all the time. Along with missing my flight or train dreams ahead of travel.
Early on, I used to dream about Ward all the time. I haven’t dreamed about him in a while, though.
Finally, I take a deep breath and nuzzle his head. “Tell me about your wife.”
“She’s a fucking cunt,” he mutters.
I expected a lot of things but not that. “I’m sorry?”
I know that weighty sigh—I’d know it anywhere. “Dad made me to marry her the same way he made me run for office. She’s the daughter of a friend of his and they wanted us to get married.” He finally tips his head back and looks me in the eyes. “I’ve never even had sex with her.”
This day just gets weirder and weirder, which I didn’t think was possible. “What?”
“I’m stillyours, Master,” he whispers. “I promised no one but you, and I meant it. There were times I jerked off while thinking about you, but I’ve never had sex with anyone but you. I don’t blame you for moving on and getting married. I wanted you to. I’m glad you found someone to love you. I don’t want you to be alone. I never wanted you to suffer.”
I stare at him, certain I misheard him. “How could you get married andnothave sex?”
“I told her it was a medical condition. That my dad didn’t know about it because I was too embarrassed to tell him. Said I took a bad hit in the balls in college and it ruptured something, and I can’t get it up whenever I want, or have kids. I gave her the chance before we got married to call off the wedding, and even blame it on me, if she wanted to, but she wouldn’t.”
“Why wouldn’t she cancel the wedding?”
“Her father’s nearly as bad as mine.”
“She’s ten years younger than you.”
“Yeah, I know. Her parents were going to make her quit college to marry me, but I insisted she finish her degree. I think that was the main reason she wanted to go through with it, so her dad would keep paying for her college expenses.”
I’m…confused, to say the least. “I don’t understand.”
“Her family is a bunch of massive Evangelicals that make my ‘devout Christian’ dad look nearly heathen in comparison.” He smirks. “In the beginning, we were two survivors sharing a life raft. We actually didn’t live together much the first two years we were married, because I was so busy with work, and she stayed in an efficiency apartment near her campus. So we got along great because we hardly saw each other.
“After a while, she…didn’t handle things well as she said she would. Once she earned her college degree, and she actually had to live with me full-time or her family would have questioned it, then reality hit. I think she liked the idea of being married to a politician who wouldn’t keep her stuck at home barefoot and pregnant more than she liked the reality of having a husband who wouldn’t have sex with her.
“I haven’t asked for a divorce yet because I couldn’t make myself buck my dad like that. I think she realized the potential for her own power and used me to get what she thought she wanted. Fifteen years now we’ve been married, and she’s more bitter and conniving by the year. Lately, it’s all I can do to pretend to be a loving husband around her. She only pretends to be a doting wife when she’s got witnesses. The only reason she moved to DC with me was because she found a job paying twice what she made in Georgia.”
“You look miserable in every damned picture I’ve seen of you.”
“That’s because I’ve felt miserable ever since the day I left New York City.” He sniffles. “I’ve read every e-mail you sent me,” he softly admits. “Every text. Listened to all the voice mails and saved them so I could hear your voice. I’ve followed your career.”
The hits keep coming. “You mean youknewI’d be here today, and yet you still thought you’d just show up without bothering to get in touch with me first as a courtesy so I wouldn’t be blindsided?”
I’m caught between joy that I wasn’t simply screaming into the void because he was reading my words throughout all these years, and pissed off that he never responded.
He nods. I can still see the terrified boy I fell in love with. Because let’s be honest that, back then, we were only boys, even though we were both over eighteen.
God help me, I want to hold him all day and tell him everything will be all right.
I want to protect him, fix everything for him.
Tell him that I’ll kill all the demons and slay all the dragons and bring him home with me.
Maybe Daniel will give up RyRey after all.
Except…
I can’t tell Daniel about Ward yet. I cannot risk him going all protective and fucking nuking Ward’s life and—worse—possibly triggering Ward’s father into retaliating.
