Whynow? He just told me he wanted to discuss the future, that he wouldn’t let me go!
And…I love him.
But…
The memory of my mom’s bruised and battered face as they pulled her life support haunts me now.
The memory of her injuries that day when she came home and told me Dad died, and that we had to move.
The years of running, of early morning dashes from wherever we were living. Literally waking up in a new city.
I cannot have someone else’s death be on my conscience. Not when I’m certain Mom was killed because of me.
We ran because ofme.
Because she was trying to keepmesafe.
And I’m now convinced it killed her, or had something to do with her death. It’s obviously more than just a ghost, because the FLIR feed showed a heat signature. Maybe the dog thing found her, and its owner followed and was the one who killed her. Funny that the police couldn’t find any kind of evidence on her. They said the DNA didn’t even make sense. That it was a contaminated sample.
Shit. I’m still in my Club Toxic tee and jeans.
I dig a plain black tank top out of my overnight bag and swap it out. Then I pull my hair into a ponytail and don a baseball cap I’ve had since Toronto before I top off my gas tank using one of the prepaid cards. After a quick stop in the bathroom, I buy a bag of ice for the cooler, two large, strong black coffees, a couple of cheese sticks, and three large bottles of water. I plug one of the backup burner phones into my car charger and let it start powering up. Twenty minutes after I arrive, I’m back in my SUV and ready to leave.
Except…
Dex.
I didn’t even turn in my keys. To the club or my apartment. I just…
Ran.
I grab my phone and create a new text message to Dex, except nothing comes to mind. How do I distill my feelings and fears into a text?
I can’t. Not really.
But I cannot expose him, or the shifters, or anyone else to that…thing. Whatever it is. It’s fine for Garrett to say they’d stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Dexter to fight it, but what if it can’t be fought?
What if they all uselessly die because of me?
What if kids are put at risk because of me? What if it tracks me to my apartment building and hurts someone there?
I can’t risk it.
Iwon’trisk it.
Dragging in a shaky breath, I type.
It’s back.I’m so sorry, but I won’t put you or anyone else at risk.
I studyit before finally hitting send. I want to add more, but maybe it’s better that I didn’t.
Good-byes hurt enough without adding anI love youto it that he might or might not really feel.
I send Lucius a quick text as well.
I sawit outside the club this morning. Dex was already asleep. I’m so sorry, but I have to leave. I won’t put you all at risk. Thank you and Selene for everything, and for your kindness to me. I’ll miss all of you.
Tears roll downmy face as I power off my phone and stick it in my overnight bag. I’m not stupid enough to text Garrett or Amber right now. They’re both awake, and it wouldn’t surprise me if Garrett sent men out looking for me, or phoned ahead to his dad in Phoenix and asked him to send men to Mesa to intercept me when I hit my PO Box. One of his dad’s pack runs the place.
