That’s longer than my parents were actively in my life.
But we can’t force Elliot to embrace us and this until he’s ready, and it has to be publicly. At least with Leo, it does.
If Elliot wasn’t worth it, I wouldn’t be here. Iwantto be in a found family with him and Leo. I think when Elliot finally sheds his fear and embraces it, he’ll find the acceptance and happiness he’s always longed for.
When we drag ourselves out of the tub and head to bed, Elliot decides to play big spoon by default tonight. I’m fine with that. He curls himself around me and quickly falls asleep with his chin resting against the top of my head.
He hasn’t had any nightmares in a few weeks, but I suspect this weekend’s travel will likely fix that. Several days away from our own bed nearly always triggers his nightmares.
Meanwhile, I’m missing Leo and wishing he were here. I miss the apartment, and our bed there.
I miss the quiet anonymity we had.
I miss lazy mornings in bed.
But since there’s no way in hell I’ll walk away from Elliot, I need to tie another knot in my rope and hang on tight. Because Elliot needs us.
Truth be told, part of me needs him, too.
More than I ever realized was possible.
