I ignore the soft barb, mentally batting it away. “So that’s why you’ve ghosted me now?”
His jaw drops again. “I haven’t ghosted you!”
“Uh,yeah, you have! You sent me that last fucking text on Sunday night a week ago that you were going dark, and then you never sent me another one.”
He blinks, staring at me. “That’swhat you think?”
“Don’t fucking gaslight me, man! You want me to show you my goddamned cell account where that’s the last message you sent? Fine, going dark. Yet you’ll text Elliot out the ass, but not textme?Fine. Message received, loud and clear.” I jab a finger at him. “Just stay out of my fucking way with Elliot, or you aregone.”
He stares at me. “I didn’t ghost you. I was going to sleep when you texted me that night, so I told you I was going dark. You never replied after that one—”
“Youignoredme in the SitRoom! You wouldn’t so much as look at me outside the press room. Youignoredme!”
“I was trying to beprofessional.”
“Byignoringme?”
“I replied to your work text! Do you know how difficult it is for me to see you andnotbe able to wrap my arms around you and hold you?”
“And yet my personal cell sits there without any texts from you. Did you lose my number?”
“If you wanted to text me, why didn’t you?”
I literally scream. “Because, asshole, you told me you were going dark! That’salwaysbeen our protocol! You text meGDwhen you need to be out of touch, and I wait to hear from you, or you call, or we see each other in person. Sixfuckingyears with you, you don’t think Iknow our goddamned protocols?” I practically scream the last several words.
He closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. I know he’s mentally trying to keep his cool, andthatpisses me off even more. He hasnoright to be upset right now.
When he finally speaks, his eyes are still closed and he keeps his voice low, slow. “You didn’t text me back…because I told you I was going dark?”
“Yes!”
“And you’re upset with me…because you think I’m angry at you…and ignoring you…for standing up to me?”
“Uh,duh!”
His hands drop to his sides and he throws back his head, staring at the ceiling as he groans. But he sounds exhausted. “I’m sorry, Jor. I’mnotangry at you. Ihaven’tbeen angry at you. Ireallywas just trying to give you what you asked for. I’m sorry.”
Okaaay… Now I’m confused. “Then what’s the issue, Leo?”
He finally looks at me. “I’m an idiot.”
“Glad we agree on something.”
He has the fucking audacity to smile, even though it looks exhausted. “When I use that code with Elliot, it’s just to let him know not to panic because I’ll be out of touch.”
“Yeah, and?”
“I forgot you and I had the additional caveat about it. Because you and I saw each other practically every day. I’m sorry. I should have remembered that, but I was asleep when the text woke me up. I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you. I needed to go back to sleep, because I was exhausted and in pain. I’m so sorry, Jor.”
“Wait…what?”
“I wasn’t ghosting you. I thought you were just so angry at me that you weren’t texting me. I was trying not to react to you because I didn’t want you thinking I was trying to pressure you. I’m sorry. Yes, I fucked up when you left. Absolutely. I know that now. Yes, I fucked up by not contacting you more. At the time, I thought it was better, because I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
He walks over, standing in front of me. His jaw tenses as he stares at me. “I fucked up by pulling away from Elliot. Chris warned me when you and I first got together that I needed to make a choice. That I needed to pick one of you to be more loyal to than the other. He recommended I make that you, and invest Elliot so heavily in you that he’d be too scared to lose both of us if I walked away with you.
“The problem was, Elliot was in such a bad headspace that he thought he was doing me a favor by telling me to date and be with you. It was his way of trying to disengage without feeling guilty. I desperately wanted him to fall for you the way I fell for you. I wanted us to be a team together. So that I could give Elliot what he needed, you could give me what I needed, and you and I could be together and get what we both needed.Thatwas my plan.
“But Elliot shut down in ways I didn’t realize. Not because of you, but because you know how he is.” I nod, and he continues. “I knew if I tried to give him an ultimatum that I’d leave, he would have let me. And it would have killed him.”
