That…never happened.
Cue my heart literally breaking right now.
I know in Leo’s heart he hoped for a miracle. That Elliot would abandon his fear and come out so he could be open with Leo. Then I’d live with them as either a friend or “assistant,” and we’d secretly be a happy poly triad, biding our time until Elliot’s term in office ended and he returned to private life.
The prime time for that to occur would have been after President Samuels was re-elected nearly two years ago. The good will and bounce in the polls from Lauren’s death would have meant Elliot coming out barely blipped the radar.
Or it could have happened after Kev was shot last year, and public opinion once again spiked in a favorable bounce for the Samuels’ administration. With the news about Kev’s father being behind not only the shooting, but also responsible for Lauren’s death,andthe death of the president’s brother- and sister-in-law, among others, Elliot coming out would have been seen as happy fun-time good news. At the very least, Elliot could have quietly moved Leo into the vice president’s official residence, unofficially, even without coming out, and I could’ve maintained Leo’s apartment as my residence.
I wouldn’t have minded that option. Seriously. I wouldn’t have been with Leo at the vice president’s residence every night, I’m sure, but I can live on my own. I wasn’t even jealous of Elliot.
Hard to be jealous of a guy who’s so miserable in his own fricking skin that he’s practically terrified of his shadow.
Honestly?
I feel sorry for Elliot.
Hating his guts and feeling sorry for him aren’t mutually exclusive, you know.
Okay, saying I hate his guts is a little extreme. I’m even planning on voting for him, when he runs. Elliot at his best, in private, is fantastic. There were times Leo and I went over to his place and hung out for a couple of hours. Or relaxed upstairs in the White House residence with the president and her family, just being normal people for a while.
During those interludes, I absolutely could see why Leo fell in love with Elliot. He’s smart, funny, and not an asshole.
In the rare moments the three of us spent time together in Elliot’s bedroom, I could see even more why Leo loves him. Elliot’s sexy as hell. I’m not a Top but watching the two of them play together revved my motor.
Over the years, it grew impossible for me to ignore how Elliot watched me when he thought Leo and I weren’t looking at him. How he so obviously envied Leo being able to freely fraternize with me in a way that he and Leo couldn’t with each other.
How the hell is Elliot supposed to win an election and run the country if he’s focused on me? Onhatingme?
Maybe not hating me, but let’s be honest that I’mnothis favorite person. The only reason he offered to let Leo date others in the first place was because of his own fear of coming out.
That’s damn sure not healthy.
Which brings me to why I’m standing here, crying my eyes out as I realize I’m basically where I started six years ago.
Other than the shit-ton of experience I got from working in the White House, and the shattered heart I’ll bear for the rest of my life.
Leo Cruz will always own a part of my soul, even though I uncollared myself and returned my day collar. My heart will forever ache for him and miss the things we did together.
Staying will only prolong the inevitable and could possibly negatively impact the freaking presidential election. That’s guilt I don’t want hanging over my head.
Six years ago, I never saw myself in the middle of an explosively secret situation that could have shoved me onto the front pages for weeks if anyone ever discovered our secret.
Guess my parents wouldn’t have been able to deny my existence then, would they?
As satisfying as that thought is, it’s not realistic. No way in hell am I subjecting myself to that kind of firestorm merely to spite my homophobic ’rents.
Life’s too short.
It’s too short for bad books, for bad food…
And it’s too short to keep beating my head against a stupid wall with nothing to show for my efforts except perpetual uncertainty and barely constrained envy.
Because Vice President Elliot Woodley’s first and only love is Leo Cruz.
And Elliot’s Hell is watching Leo being able to live with and freely love me. All while he probably fears Leo will walk away into the sunset with me, when I know there is no way in Hell Leo will ever leave Elliot.
It’s just my bad luck that, unlike Leo, Elliot doesn’t have enough room in his heart for me.
