Chapter Forty
I don’t see Leo at all on Friday. The weekend passes in an exhausting spiral of travel and events and rope lines and speeches, none of which are made any easier by the renewed nightmares I cannot seem to escape.
I would never try to say that me seeing what I did in the SitRoom was anything comparable to what Elliot survived in the Army, but it does make me far more understanding than I was before about his nightmares and PTSD.
It also means I don’t have the extra will to split my attention between dealing with my own shit, and pouring emotional energy I don’t have into thinking about Leo. I must focus all my personal resources on Elliot, and on getting him through his campaign events.
So, I make a choice.
Before we leave the residence Saturday morning, I shut off my personal cell phone and leave it in a dresser drawer in my room. I’ll buy myself a new phone this week, when I can steal a few minutes where Elliot doesn’t need me from the schedule.
Then I won’t have to worry anymore about Leo Fucking Cruz, aka Dom McStalkyfuck, being able to track me.
Although as I close the dresser, a heavy sadness descends. Despite my best efforts otherwise, I guess part of me really was hoping we could make this work as a triad.
Elliot and I don’t have time for this bullshit, though. And I don’t have the mental energy reserves to deal with it.
Monday morning, I awaken feeling like shit despite having slept most of the night without bad dreams. I’m exhausted, and I know needing all of my focus on Elliot for the whole weekend is a massive part of that exhaustion.
The other part is, of course, Leo Fucking Cruz. Stupid me, yeah, I checked the cell phone last night, powering it on only long enough to see if Leo texted me before powering it down again. No texts to me all weekend, although, again, he can’t seem to stop texting with Elliot.
Guess he made the decision easy for me after all. It does enrage me more than a little that he made such a big fucking show of stalking me, exerting hidden control over me, and even my fucking surroundings, just to get pissy and ghost—again—when Ionlyasked for space and time. That’sit. That wasn’t an unreasonable request, was it?
All I needed from him—which he asked me what I needed—was a little space and time.
Not…silence.
If he’s so willing to nuke everything we have together just because I finally used my backbone to stand up to him so I can take care of Elliot?
Then I guess I never really knew Leo at all.
It makes me angry, but even more than that, it forces my grief back to the forefront, in crashing waves I feel will suck me into the undertow.
I don’t see Leo on Monday, and I don’t bother turning my phone on to check for texts from him.
Why? What’s the point? So he can get his sadistic jollies watching me pine for him?
Fuck that noise.
Tuesday morning, I have to be in the SitRoom for Elliot. When Leo’s in there, I ignore him. Fuck him. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how much I’m hurting and wanting him.
No, I don’t turn on my cell phone that night, either.
Around lunchtime on Wednesday, I’m sitting at my desk when Leo stops by to check on a schedule change for an event next week. Elliot’s in his office behind a closed door. He’s already eaten lunch and is in the middle of a phone call before he spends a couple of hours going through briefing materials.
I act coolly professional when I check the calendar and verify that the event Leo’s asking me about is still on.
And I refuse to look him in the eyes, because I just…can’t.
He hesitates, staring at Elliot’s door. He has door-knock privileges and can go in whenever. That hasn’t changed.
Although he hasn’t tried doing that since I’ve been here. At least, not while I’m sitting at my desk. I don’t know if he’s done it while I’ve been across the street.
If he tries it now, he’snotgoing to like the result, because I will stop him.
I guess he senses I’m over his bullshit, because he opts to ask. “Is the vice president free for a moment?”
I turn back to my computer. “He’s on a call. If you want to take a seat and hang out, I’ll let you know when he’s free.”
