“I know.”
“Is that going to be a problem for you?”
“No. I told him last night I need you.” I can hear how hard it is for him not to call meSir. He keeps wanting to say it, but we’re supposed to be in equals mode right now.
We need to say this as equals.
I suck in a long, deep breath, mostly to buy me a little time. “What’d he say?”
“That whatever I need from him, he’ll give it to me.” His gaze steadily meets mine. “He wants to be part of our lives, as much as we can give him. He wants us to be happy and safe. If we’re together and taking care of each other, he said he’ll wait for us.”
“I’llbe taking care of you,” I remind him. “Yourjob is to take care of the country and let me take care of everything else.”
He smiles. “I know.”
“You guys basically fell in love the night you met. He and I knew each other a couple of weeks, but I think we were there well before that. You don’t think this is reckless now?”
“He fucked up. And he knows it.”
“Knowing it, saying it, and actually living by taking actions that make amends are different things.”
“I know that, and so does he.”
He sounds so confident. Not cocky—quiet assurance.
I wish I felt like that instead of…terrified.
He’s not finished. “Jor, I know you’re worried about times like yesterday. Or the night I took over for you.” He squeezes my hands. “You have to remember I’ve been through…”
His gaze drops to his stump. “Alot. I’ve…done things I wish I could wipe from my brain.”
His blue eyes focus on me again. “I nearly died. Yeah, I need what you and Leo give me for my sanity. While I’d love for you to forgive him and call him over here right now, I know you need time, and so does he. Don’t rush this because you’re worried about stress on me. If I couldn’t comfort you when you need it, I’d be a pretty shitty partner.”
“Maybe I should just push through it,” I mumble. “Embrace the suck.”
He squeezes my hands again. “No. Leo and I don’t want that. Not unless you’re ready. Can you tell me why you’re feeling like this? About him?”
I stare at our hands, our almost-matching bracelets.
I carried the one Leo gave me around in my pocket all day.
“He let me leave. Then he ignored me after I did.” Elliot doesn’t interrupt. “Which, I guess I would’ve eventually been okay with. But then I find out he all but abandoned you, too. That makes me…angry. Because it just about killed me to walk away from him. It’s like, what was the point? How can a guy eighteen years older than me be so fuckingstupid?”
Elliot brings my hands to his lips and kisses both of them, then tucks them against his chest. “I’m yours,” he quietly says. “And that’s it. Whatever you choose, I support you.”
“You want him in our lives.”
“I love him, but I love you, too. And I know you won’t let me down.”
“Do you think he let you down?”
He needs a moment. “I was angry. And hurt. But then I had you, and got to talk to you about everything. I learned more about him through you, things that I never really thought about before from his point of view. Plus, he apologized. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but none of us are. I’m damn sure not. He’s been able to put up with me all these years. He also wants to do better by both of us.” He squeezes my hands. “And I want to do better by you. I wasn’t fair to you before.”
I think about the utter shock on Leo’s face yesterday morning when he walked into the SitRoom. “Do you think I got enough revenge by scaring him for several weeks? I’m joking. Sort of.”
He laughs. “I think you scared three years off his life, at least. Part of my spanking last night was for not telling him you were here.”
“That’s not fair.”
