I give him one last hug and kiss. “I’m going. I’ll be out late, unless you call me and tell me that he’s left. Please, talk to him tonight.”
“Yes, Sir. But what about you?”
“This needs to be just you two tonight. If you get the talking out of the way, have fun and enjoy yourselves. Do more than talk. Go ahead and fuck each other’s brains out. Besides, you two arewayoverdue for a struggle snuggle, andIget to fall asleep next to you later tonight. Okay?”
That finally earns me a smile. “Yes, Sir.”
“Good boy.”
I grab my stuff and head out, managing to miss bumping into Leo on the way. Today has gone sideways from the start, although I suppose I don’t have much room to talk.
There’s always far worse things that can happen, and that point was painfully driven home to me in the SitRoom this morning.
That’s the other reason I cannot talk to Leo right now. I need time to…process. Both my newly clarified emotions regarding everything, and the aftermath of what I witnessed this morning. If Leo knows exactly how fucked up I am over that, he’ll want to default to taking care of me mode instead of remaining equals to talk, and I don’t know if I have the strength to resist him in private. Not after what I saw. Not right now.
Maybe if he works out the worst of his angst with Elliot, then we can hash out our shit.
AfterI talk with Elliot.
Opting to take a cab, because I don’t know if Leo’s put out the word with Secret Service to alert him to my whereabouts or not, I return to the residence. There, I quickly shower, change into khakis and a casual, short-sleeved button-down, and head out again, but on foot this time.
I stop at the guardhouse to speak to the agent on duty. I’m not sure if he’s friends with Leo or not. He’s a younger guy, maybe late twenties, so there’s a chance he doesn’t know Leo very well beyond any contact they have through work.
“Leo Cruz will likely come by tonight to visit the vice president. Under no circumstances is he toeverbe given any information aboutme, my comings and goings—nothing. Not unless I specifically okay it. Understand?”
“Yes, sir.” He makes a note of it in the computer.
“Thanks.” I opt to walk, which at one time would have earned me a spanking if Leo knew, but I don’t care.
I need to stretch my legs and I haven’t had much of a chance to walk around the city since my return.
Now that I have a little bit of a mental handle onwhyI’m resisting Leo when, just a few weeks ago, my greatest dream would have been falling into his arms, it all…fits.
I no longer trust Leo like I did before.
Leo let Elliot down. He failed him, and it was a completely preventable failure.
He failed a man who I knew at the center of my being, an indelible truth, was theoneperson in the universe Leo would absolutely lay downeverythingfor if Elliot asked him to.
Everything.
And Leo failed him when I had specifically sacrificed my dreams to make sure Elliot could succeed. To prevent a failure.
It’s heartbreaking.
But now my own soul is troubled and wonders if Leo would have eventually neglected me like that, too.
Hopefully, it’s also fixable.
If Leo can pry his head out of his ass.
