That brings up a mix of conflicting emotions. That Elliot’s standing by me, that he’s not willing to silo me to the attic in lieu of having Leo come by.
In my head, I’m guessing there’s a good chance Leo will respond immediately, unless he’s already asleep.
Which is also a good possibility. Jet lag after a trip like that will be a real bitch. The president has a light schedule tomorrow as a result.
That also makes me feel a little guilty. Shae and Chris’ kids will be upset if I don’t say hello to them in the morning, but I don’t want to be upstairs in the residence first thing.
Leo will most likely be there, unless Shae’s told him to take the morning off. He always starts the day upstairs, usually waking up the president.
Hopefully, I can make it up to the kids. I have been able to spend some time with Pecan over the past couple of weeks, so that’s helped my state of mind.
I don’t sleep well at all that night. I awaken several times throughout the night, and when I finally give up, it’s over an hour before my alarm is set to go off. The only consolation I have is being able to snuggle with Elliot any time I awaken, and feel him instinctively shift his body against mine in his sleep.
He wants me.
I’m…needed.
I didn’t realize how muchIhad needed that. I knew Leowantedme when we were together, but he didn’tneedme. Not trying to say I wanted Leo dependent upon me, either. Not in all ways.
Just a little.
Like Elliotcanfunction alone. Maybe not well, and it’s not his preferred state, but he’s done it and can do it. The outcome if he’s alone permanently won’t likely be pretty, though.
I’m making adifferencefor him in a good way. In a way he needs me to.
Leo obviously didn’tneedme in his life. He was perfectly fine before me, and I’m sure he was perfectly fine after I left. Because part of him alwaysneededElliot. Why else would Leo tolerate the years of being relegated to a hidden secret the way he has if he didn’t need Elliot?
That’s not just love.
That’s obsession.
I shut off my alarms, since I’m wide awake anyway, and extricate myself from Elliot and our bed so I can go make coffee for myself. I can sit up and read e-mails or something.
I check the burner and find that no, Leo hasn’t responded.
When I return to the bedroom, I find Elliot sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at the floor. He could have gotten up, if he wanted, because his walker’s right there.
“Hey. You don’t have to be up yet.” I set my coffee on the nightstand and stand in front of him so I can hold him.
The strength with which he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tells me it’s going to be a rough day. He presses his face against me and deeply inhales. “I know, Sir. I just needed some time like this.”
Thisis what I mean.
I feelneeded, not just wanted.
I feel helpful.
I feel like I’m making a positive difference.
I hold Elliot and rub his head for him and don’t break the silence. He’ll talk when he’s ready.
A few minutes later, he does, mumbling with his face pressed against my abs. “Promise me I can get through today, Sir. Please?”
“We’ll get through today, boy. Might be a little rocky, if Leo gets pissy, but we’ll come home tonight and take a long shower, down a couple of shots, and snuggle.”
He finally tips his head back and I spot his playful smile. “Only a couple of shots?”
“Yeah, well, I can let you get toasted, if you want to. I need to keep my wits about me, though. One of us does, anyway.”
