Sometimes, doing things is the bad kind of escape valve, like in Elliot’s case.
Because Elliot doesn’t know how to turn his brain off.
Join the club.
It’s like he thinks he has to force himself to remain in perpetual motion, physically or mentally.
Not complaining that I can also reframe this to meet some of my own needs without sacrificing Elliot’s in the process.
I’ve brought all our phones downstairs, except for my personal cell, which is still off. I make a mental note to get a little basket or something to keep them all corralled in one place. I damn near dropped them on the way downstairs.
Yes, I have the burner.
No, Leo still hasn’t replied.
Part of me’s tempted to turn my personal cell back on and text him, rip him a new one, and demand he respond to Elliot. That’s just cruel. He doesn’t know I’m here with Elliot. Sure, there have been plenty of times Leo couldn’t immediately respond to Elliot’s texts, but in the past, he’s always replied atsomepoint.
Washing up as I go, I’m down to only our place settings and the bowl I used for the veggie pasta salad. Easy clean-up.
Once dinner’s plated, I help Elliot to his feet and send him out to the den with his walker.
Guess Ifinallyget to use that leather sectional sofa I picked out for him. One of the reasons I got it was because I knew the three of us could easily stretch out on it together, and the moveable hassock would make a fantastic spanking bench.
We never really got to do any of the kind of cuddling I’d envisioned and Leo had hoped for.
Maybe now we can.
I bring our food out, making him wait until I’m settled in position. I know some of his cues with Leo are the same as ones Leo had for me, but we’re going to start from scratch.
“When we’re together, you wait for my signal to eat. If I’m not with you, say the alphabet in your head, slowly, two times. Then mentally say, ‘Sir, thank you for letting me eat.’ Then you can start eating. But if I’m in the room with you, even if I have to stand on the other side of the room, look for me first for my signal. Understand?”
His cock has cycled through being erect and softening all evening. Now, he’s hard again. The boy thrives on structure. “Yes, Sir. Thank you.”
“Depending on the circumstances, and how far away I am from you, it might be as subtle as a nod of my head. Or, it might be something like this.” I’m sitting on Elliot’s left. With my right index and middle fingers together, as I’m reaching for my spoon, I sweep those two fingers toward him, just a little.
He watches me and nods.
I hold my hand out to him, indicating his plate. “You may eat, boy.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
An unexpected emotional gut punch smacks me in the feels, making my eyes prickle with tears I quickly blink away.
This is one way Ican’tget what I need. I miss the structure and protocols Leo and I had. I miss knowing my Sir was looking out for me. I miss our text check-ins.
At least we could text each other’s personal cells. We didn’t have to take the ridiculous precautions Elliot and Leo do. No anonymous burners and Signal apps. We only had to avoid attention, not conceal our trails.
We never mentioned Elliot by name. If he was referred to, it was asp.
Pet,duh.
I turn the TV on, find a show I like to watch, and we eat a relaxing dinner.
This is the first time I’ve sat and had a home-cooked dinner with someone since leaving Leo. We used to cook dinner together a couple of times a week, on average. Or breakfast, depending on our schedules.
His voice sounds so soft, I almost miss Elliot’s comment when he speaks. “This is very good, Sir. Thank you.”
I reach over and stroke his thigh. “You’re welcome, boy. I’m glad you like it. I enjoy cooking.” I’m almost certain he’s going to have another emotional breakdown like he did on the plane, but he doesn’t.
