I give him a quick kiss. “Good boy.”
When my parents knock on the suite door and I usher them inside, my boy quickly disappears, replaced by Vice President Woodley. As always, he’s warm, friendly, gracious. He offers them hugs, which in this case I know isn’t just him pretending to be welcoming, even though he might not admit it.
He’s desperate for safe affection. With his job, he’s usually not giving hugs unless it’s in the role of Vice Comforter in Chief, and those occasions always rip his guts out and leave him shattered when he can finally hide behind a locked door and free his soul.
For those events, if Shae isn’t going herself, she always tries to send me with Elliot. While comforting people in the wake of a man-made tragedy or natural catastrophe isn’t an everyday occurrence, they happen more frequently than I or anyone else who isn’t a raging sociopath would like.
Elliot hugging just anyone is out of the question mostly from a security standpoint. He does receive frequent hugs from the kids and their nanny—and me—more than anyone else. In what passes for a normal state of being for him now, one of the ways his PTSD manifests means it’s also very uncomfortable for him to hug people unless he knows them well.
Although, when I think back on it, while Jordan was always willing to hug Elliot, I remember very few instances where Elliot took him up on that. Even then those occasions always happened in private, when it was only the three of us.
More guilt for me. I never should’ve tried to force things. I should’ve known Elliot’s offer was more him trying to be “fair” than a genuine desire to give being poly a shot.
Shoving those thoughts away, I focus on the here and now. We place our dinner orders with the security detail, who will supervise the prep in the kitchen. That’s protocol for Elliot, Shae, and the First Family.
To Elliot’s credit, he gets my parents and sister talking. The evening speeds by and leaves them little time to ask me questions. After we’ve eaten dinner, we’re still sitting at the suite’s dining room table and nearly finished with our desserts when Mom finally goesthere.
“Too bad Jordan couldn’t make it with you this trip, honey. How’s he doing? You haven’t talked much about him tonight. When will we get to see him again?” She smiles. “Have you talked him into marrying you yet?”
Unfortunately, Kayley’s looking right at me and watching me when Mom asks it.
From the corner of my eye, I realize Elliot’s also listening because I spot how he tenses.
I force a smile. “Jordan’s fine. He moved back to Tallahassee a few weeks ago to finish his master’s degree. How’s your cheesecake?”
“Wow,” Kayley says. “That wasn’t subtle at allll, bro.”
I shoot her what I hope is a withering glare.
Mom looks from her to me. “Did you guys break up?”
Elliot stands and I stand automatically, because it’s protocol. But he holds out a staying hand and offers what anyone else would mistake as an exhausted smile. “It’s all right, Leo. I’m really wiped out. I think I’ll hit the hay. Please, feel free to stay and talk. It won’t bother me. It was really great getting to see you all again and spend time with you. Thank you so much for coming over tonight.” He hugs them one more time and then heads into his bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Shit.
That’s my pet. Even when he feels like shit—and I know exactlywhyhe feels like shit right now—he still manages to be kind and courteous.
Mom looks at me with an arched eyebrow. “Uh, you weren’t going to tell us you broke up with Jordan?”
That’s not factually accurate but I really don’t have the emotional strength to get into it with them tonight. “It’s complicated, Mom. We didn’t exactly break up. He’s finishing his degree.”
Kayley speaks up. “So…it’s a long-distance thing?”
“Not exactly. Look, we’re still friends, still close. There’s nothing final about this. But I’m not going to leave DC or quit my job, and he needs to finish his degree at FSU. Plus, Elliot’s got his campaign coming up. I’m going to be on the road with him a lot, obviously, so it’s the best timing of all. Once the campaign’s over and Jordan has his degree, then we’ll see where we are and go from there.”
Which is so close to a lie that it’s French-kissing it but I won’t get into that with them tonight, either.
Dad has to toss in his two cents. “I don’t understand why you’re being so evasive about this. Either you did or didn’t break up with Jordan. It’s not complicated.”
“Actually, itiscomplicated, Dad.” I don’t mean to snap at him but I’m raw and hurting and reallynotin the mood for the third-degree from them tonight. Especially over this.
Add to that I’m worried about Elliot now, and I belatedly realize what a horrible idea this was. I should have told them about Jordan on the phone and asked them not to discuss him in front of Elliot formyprivacy.Thatthey would’ve understood.
They’re right that I’m being evasive. It’s not like me to be this way with them. They have every right to be wondering why now, about this, I’m acting completely contrary to the Leo they know.
It’s not like me to avoid difficult conversations.
I take a breath and regroup. “Look, DC is a fishbowl, and Jordan’s not used to it. We met after Shae’s first campaign. Her second campaign was a cakewalk compared to the first, and that majorly stressed Jordan out. This is a natural…intermission, all right? We didn’t fight, we didn’t break up, but I’m not going to be an asshole and force him to delay getting his degree for another couple of years.”
