The slight flare of his nostrils as he processes my words, the way his eyes widen a little…
I savor it but I already know his answer.
“I-I’m not ready to make that decision yet, Master. I’m sorry.”
I press my forehead to his. “I know, pet. It’s all right.” I really didn’t want to get heavy and deep this weekend. I need a burst of light in my life. “My answer remains the same.”
“I couldn’t pull you out of a presidential campaign.”
“Yes, youcan. And youshould, if that’s what you feel. I love you, and you come first in my life. Always.”
I listen to him breathe for a moment. We really should go clean up, but I don’t want to let the conversation end on this note.
“Why do you put up with me, Master?”
This question always breaks my heart, no matter how many times he asks it.
I kiss him, taking my time. “Because I love you and I’ll always take care of my pet.”
Chapter Twenty
Now
I wake up a good thirty minutes before every alarm I’ve set because my body’s on DC time despite my exhaustion.
In my arms, Elliot still soundly sleeps. Thankfully, I don’t think either of us suffered nightmares last night.
Part of me wants to wake him up with a blowjob and make love to him but I know that’ll stress him out even more. He can’t help worrying about the time, even if it’s not his job to worry about it. There’s also the fact thatheis the center of activity, so even if he is running a few minutes late, everyone will wait on him.
One of the things I desperately love about him is that, even this many years later, he’s still selfless enough he freaks out over not wanting to keep others waiting.
It is this list I choose to start my day mentally counting—my blessings.
Elliot.
My parents.
My sister.
My job.
The fact that I still get to serve my country.
My relationship with Elliot, such as it is.
The fact that Jordan is alive and moving on with his life.
Though I stumble over and get hung up on that last point.
I don’t really know if he’s moving on. He has a job, is resuming the pursuit of his degree, and has a place of his own to live.
The thought of him moving on and seeking out another man fills me with dark and seething jealousy I know isn’t healthy, but there you have it.
Fuck compersion—I wantmyboy back.
Taking a deep breath, I focus on the warm serenity of having Elliot in my arms before I slowly let that breath out.
Elliot needs me.
