“Thank you, sir.” I stand and turn to go.
“Leo?”
I pause at the door and look back.
“It’s never easy, what it is that we do. Who we are in our…relationships. Sometimes, letting go is all wecando, and it fucking sucks.” He wears a solemn look. “But never forget your love for him, and never let hope die. It took me and Kev twentyyearsto finally get what we needed. Hopefully, it won’t take that long for you.”
I pray he’s right. “Thank you, sir.” I let myself out and fight my urge to stampede down the hall.
Instead, I check on Elliot’s status, consult with Secret Service about who else is travelling today, call one of the comms wonks from Shae’s office and give him a heads-up that he’s going and that he needs to run home and pack, notify Elliot’s comms staff the change was made, have them send me a copy of all the speeches Elliot’s making while on this trip under the guise of Elliot wanting me to have them to practice them with him, and confirm Chris has already struck Hannah from the travel list, which probably happened seconds after I left his office.
All that now dealt with, I can retreat to my office upstairs, where I close and lock the door behind me.
Thus I slump into the chair behind my desk and stare at the picture of me and Jordan hanging on the wall while my heart painfully throbs in my chest.
I thought nothing could ever hurt worse than the aftermath of the plane crash.
I was wrong.
God, was I wrong.
* * * *
I’m standing outside Elliot’s office door when the House aides emerge from their meeting with him. He glances around before stepping inside again, tipping his head to me as he does. He’s not wearing his glasses and I spy them on his desk.
I follow him into his office, shutting and lock the door behind me. He already looks haggard and his day’s barely begun. I can tell we’ll spend our flight to California with us locked in the executive suite in the nose of the plane and him lying on the sofa with his head in my lap.
Honestly?
I need that, too. Maybe more than I want to admit.
I sit in his desk chair and offer him my hand to help steady him as he lowers himself to the floor. Spreading my thighs so he fits between them, he wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face against my stomach while I gently squeeze him between my thighs, hook one arm around his shoulders, and massage the back of his head with the other.
“Deep breaths, pet.” My whisper is barely audible. “It’s all right. I’m here now.”
“Thank you, Master.”Wow. It’s rare for him to call me that outside of the bedroom, even when alone behind a locked office door.
“You’re my good boy, and I love you very much.”
He takes deep, shuddering breaths that break my heart. He’s so much worse today than usual, and I know exactly why.
Simply because I didn’t knock yesterday.
Then I didn’t read his message.
I wanted topunishhim. I wanted him to hurt as much as I’m hurting.
I wanted him to feel a fraction of the agony I’m currently suffering.
Man, I’m a fucking asshole. Because I hate myself right now for putting him through that.
Never in a thousand years would I ever wish this pain on Elliot, or on Jordan. I want to protect both of them.
Unfortunately, Jordan is now beyond my reach.
I hate myself for lashing out at Elliot by ignoring him.
No, it’s not Elliot’s “fault” this all happened. It was a confluence of situations and events. If he’d welcomed Jordan and made him feel like he was a partner instead of an adversary, yes, that likely would have led to a completely different outcome.
