I think of Brad’s last words.
I think of Elliot’s blue eyes.
I think of the way Jordan’s eyes lit up when he smelled the picadillo my mom made for him, sight unseen, with love he’s been denied.
I try to stop thinking, close my eyes, and cry.
Chapter Forty-Five
The alarm goes off way too fucking early the next morning. At some point in the night, Jordan must have cleaned me up, because I have no memory of leaving the bed.
I already smell coffee brewing, but Jordan’s tucked against my side.
And wide awake.
I nuzzle him. “Morning, baby.”
“Good morning, Sir.” His voice doesn’t sound right. Subdued. “Are you all right?”
I sigh. “Yesterday was rough. I need to check in with Chris.”
“I already texted him, Sir. He said Kev’s off the vent, and has been awake and talking.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Good.” I kiss him and sit up. “Are you going in this morning?”
“Yes, Sir. All hands. Comms is overwhelmed. Mr. Bruunt’s still at the hospital. He’s refusing to leave.”
“I’m sure he is. I would be, too, if that was you in that bed.”
“Or Elliot?”
I turn at his tone, studying him. It wasn’t snarky, or bitter, but there was something deeply off-balance about it. “Of course.”
He sits up. “You realize he’s not going to come around, don’t you? About me?” The quiet, resigned way he says it chills my soul.
“You don’t know that, Jor.”
One eyebrow elegantly arches. Without his glasses he looks so much younger than he already is. “It’s been five years, Leo. I know you think he’s going to magically come around and fall for me, but he’s not.”
“He’s under a lot of stress. Especially now. He will.”
Jordan sighs and studies my face for a moment. “I know you love him, Sir. And I know he loves you. Hetoleratesme because you trust and love me. I might as well be one of his detail.”
“He’s asked you to help him out before, and—”
“Yeah, to do stuff any staffer could do. He does that foryou, Leo. Not because he likes me. Because he wants to makeyouhappy. And I do it because I know it makes you happy, but, honestly? As miserable as I know he is about my presence in your life, it makes me feel like shit that I’m stressing him out even more just because we’re both trying to make you happy.”
Stunned, I stare at him. “I thought you liked him.”
“Ido! He’s an amazing man. He’s fricking hot, for starters. He’s brilliant, funny, and sweet. But he’s never going to look at me the way he looks at you.”
“What are you saying?”
He strokes my arm. “I don’t want him breaking your heart, that’s all. I don’t want you to get your hopes up that he’ll embrace me as a partner. I’m okay with that. But I hate that I’m an extra stressor in his life. Heneedsyou. When he runs for POTUS, he’s going to need you. And—”
“He hasn’t said he’s going to run.”
“He hasn’t said he’s not, Sir.” He studies me for a moment. “You realize heisgoing to run, don’t you?”
