Not for anything other than a quick kiss and cuddle.
What Elliot doesn’t know is that, on the night of the inauguration, after the balls have ended, I’m going to push the envelope. Over the years, I’ve allowed Elliot to coast in many ways, to avoid responsibility forus. Neither of us can indefinitely live like that and not start to resent or hate each other. Elliot either accepts Jordan’s now a part of my life, or he steps up and demands I let Jordan go so I can openly be with Elliot…
Or Elliot ends things with me once and for all, meaning Jordan and I have a future together.
I’ve been patient for sixfuckingyears when the average person probably wouldn’t have put up with this for six damnmonths.
Jordan’s on board with us being a triad, although—yes, I’m an evil asshole—I haven’t brought up the possibility to him that Elliot could order me to dump Jordan in exchange for being exclusive and publicly out with him.
It’s one of the options I’ve put on the table for Elliot. All he has to do is speak up and tell me. I’m reasonably certain that’s not the option he’ll choose. He would’ve said it by now if he was going to.
He damn sure wouldn’t have given Jordan a matching tie for Christmas.
I don’t want to lose Jordan. I’m not prepared to give him up for anything less than Elliot publicly coming out and marrying me.
Jordan’s young. Resilient. As brilliant and talented as he is, I know he’d be okay if that’s the way this goes.
Although, yes, I’m hoping Elliot says okay to us being a triad, and then it’s the best of both worlds. Except I have no reason to think Elliot will choose that option.
All signs point to maybecould be Elliot’s mantra in life when it comes to facing his emotional fears.
Meanwhile, I have a life to live. Elliot needs me but I’ve needed more than he’s willing to give me, and I’m done trying to pretend that I don’t. These past couple of months with Jordan have shown me that. Ineedthe balance the two of them, together, bring to my life.
I won’t willingly abandon my pet. I’m also not willing to wait Elliot out with no assurances he won’t end up dumping me at some future point.
Let’s not forget Elliot’s the one who offered to let me be date others in the first place. It’s not like I forced him into this option.
I would even settle for Elliot and I being exclusive, without him publicly coming out, if he would simply let me move in with him. Maybe not on paper. I could still keep my apartment while living with him. That option would be almost as good as being publicly out with him.
Again, he needs to ask me for it. I won’t order him to let me live with him. I have no interest in doing that and him later coming back and saying I pressured him into it.
Even though, technically, I am pressuring him into a decision.
Defaulting to allowing me to be with Jordan is still a decision.
I think if Jordan works with Elliot as his body man, if Elliot can come to trust Jordan, maybe he’ll feel something good toward him. Maybe not love, but more than just tolerating him.
Right?
I can hope.
Elliot needs someone besides me in his life he can trust with everything for the times I can’t be there for him. Jordan can be that man.
Then, if Elliot does finally de-ass his head and publicly claim me, it means Jordan, as his body man, can still be with both of us without raising any suspicions.
It’s a win-win-win.
At least, that’s the way I’m looking at it.
* * * *
Once we’re settled into our room at Blair House, Jordan heads across the street, to the White House, to meet with the Chief Usher and other staff. Over these past weeks, I’ve seen a side to Jordan I wouldn’t have imagined the boy possessed on the day we first met and he appeared terrified.
Shae and Chris made Jordan’s job easy. Their requirements were simple and mostly consisted of what they didn’t want, and then turning him loose to do his thing.
Elliot, on the other hand, has vexed Jordan. Not because my pet’s being difficult about it, but because my boy’s desperate to impress Elliot and has nearly worried himself sick trying to put together the perfect space for him.
I go knock on Elliot’s door.
