“That’s a fair question.” I pause my chopping so I can meet his gaze. “They’ve told me for a long time that they’re okay if I date. You’re the first person I’ve ever felt like dating.”
Jordan’s right arm rests on the breakfast bar and he leans on it, with it crossed in front of him. He’s feeling vulnerable right now, because his body language says that’s a shield. “Why me?”
“I don’t know. I guess, in some ways, you remind me of them.”
“Can we just default to saying him or her?”
I choose to ignore that, for now. “They don’t date or sleep with others. They’re monogamous with me. They also feel guilty that they aren’t out with me, which is why I have permission to date or sleep with others. Before you ask, they volunteered that stipulation—I didn’t ask them for it.”
“Which you haven’t explored until me.”
I nod. “Until you. And I gave them the opportunity to veto our dinner tonight.”
He takes another sip of wine, and I sip mine while waiting on him to speak.
He eventually does. “So we’re talking right now because you don’t want to lead me on, is that it?”
“Partially. Because when I’m in a relationship with someone, I need to be in charge. I’m a Dominant, and a sadist. If you’re serious about wanting a relationship with me, there are things you need to know about me, and other things that will have to be negotiated.”
“You’re kinky?” He says that in a breathless way that makes me pause and focus on him again.
“Yes.”
“Are you kinky in your other relationship?”
I want to walk a very fine line tonight between getting deep in the weeds about who I am and what I need, and not betraying my frustration with Elliot, or any details about our relationship.
“Yes. Unfortunately, due to circumstances, what little private time we spend alone together usually focuses on the kinky aspects. In the beginning, we had more time for nights like this one. I do need more than that, though. And you’re right. I am lonely.”
I let him digest that and again wait for him to speak.
It takes him a couple of minutes. “What happens if your relationship with them is outed? Is that something that would splash back on me in a negative way? Would we have to stop seeing each other then?”
I study him for a moment. “I can’t predict that.”
“But it’d mean things were over with us then, right?”
“No.” I hope that’s not a lie. “I wouldn’t break up with you because of that. Unless you purposefully outed us or were so reckless that your actions accidentally caused the outing.”
He mulls that over. “You mentioned me staying in DC.”
I slowly nod. “I did. You’ve proven you can be very flexible. There are plenty of office jobs Mr. Bruunt can hire you for so you can stay here.” I won’t call them Chris and Shae in front of him yet. Not until I’m sure.
“I get the not splashing deets about us all over social media but I’m not looking to stay in a closet, either.”
“That’s why we’re talking now.” I finish chopping that carrot and start on another one. “Because I need more balance in my life. My job, unfortunately, will probably keep me at work for long hours, and I’ll be traveling with the president a lot. Plus, you have to be okay with me spending time with my partner when I can fit them in.”
“Would I ever get to learn who they are?”
“Depends on how far we take this and where it goes. Eventually, yes, if you and I decide we want this to be long-term and permanent. At some point, I’d like the three of us to be able to spend time together. Maybe even intimately so.”
He shifts a little on the barstool, but I can’t tell if it’s because he’s emotionally uncomfortable or because he just got hard. “If it’s a guy,” he says, “I might not be against that, depending on who they are. But I’m not into women as anything other than friends.”
Excitement slams through me and I need to take a deep breath to calm myself. “Dating me means youhaveto be okay sharing me with them. I love them, and they’re always going to have to come first. For now. I cannot promise you there will ever be a time that you’d be able to come first.”
I wonder if that’ll be a deal-breaker. His gaze drops to his wine glass, which he’s slowly swirling in his left hand. I give him more time to process.
“So, you and I would date and have sex? Openly date?”
