A state to run.
Ineedthe sonofabitch. I really do. Because he’s still a part of my life, not just as a work partner, or as an employer, but as a friend and as adopted family. The only person I can really call family, besides the kids and Declan.
The only person I trust.
I mean, I trust Declan in many ways, obviously. Couldn’t do any of what we do together if I didn’t. And I do love Declan, in my way.
Except there’s a level of trust that relies on a strong foundation, bedrock beneath it. While I am that bedrock for Declan, he isn’t capable of being that for me. Not that he doesn’t want to—he does. Unfortunately, he mistakenly thinks he can be, but he can’t. Not really.
Declan has his own fragilities. I’ve seen those cracks deep within him and know that the perfectly wrong strike could slough off parts of his soul like a jeweler shaping a gemstone and leaving only the flawed chips behind.
Also… Declan doesn’tknowme. George doesn’t even know me the way Ellen did, but he’s stronger than he thinks he is, and I know things about him he doesn’t know I do. Ellen told me.
She told meeverything.
Because the only way I could stay by her side as her friend was to know everything, good and bad—and there was very little bad. Bad that was maybe a minor blip, in the grand scheme of things.
“Bad” that still left me envious of my girl in most ways, because Georgealwayscentered her—and later the kids—as being first in his life.
I needed to know my girl was safe and happy. I’d made her promise me she’d never hold anything back from me, even if she thought it might hurt me.
Ineededthat pain to remind me to keep moving forward.
I sucked at that until Declan walked into my life and was old enough to claim as my boy.
You can criticize me all you want for getting involved with him, but you know what?
Fuck you.
You don’t know him, or me. We each had pain the other could help mitigate and heal. We released each other from our respective prisons, in many ways, even though there is so much he doesn’t know about me.
And knowing what I knew about Declan, we also shared a common goal of revenge. One that I knew we could leverage George into unwittingly helping us with.
Revenge my girl had been helping us obtain without even knowing it.
