Who I stupidly gave to theoneman with the power to gut me a second time without him even realizing it.
My fault.
I need to talk to George one more time. Alone.
I can’t live the rest of my life with a pocket of my soul forever walled off from him. I’ll always pull away from him and keep repeating the same damn pattern with him and Declan both.
I need to make a full confession to him.
Ellen loved me for who I was, without reservation, even after knowing my darkest secret. It wasn’t my fault she wouldn’t stay with me. Logically, Iknowthat, even if it made me angry and want to hate George, at first.
That wasn’t his fault. In retrospect, I see it makes him an even more special man, that he worked so damned hard to win my trust and be friends with me when I made that almost impossible in the beginning.
Iwouldn’t have put up with me, that’s for damn sure. I don’t know how Declan does it.
George has just left work for the day when I stop by Declan’s office and close the door behind me, but I don’t go to him. I stand there, leaning against the door. “Need to ask you a favor.”
“Ma’am?”
“Go to my house when you leave tonight. Stay there until I give you the all-clear.”
He frowns and stands. “What’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I need to talk to George. Alone.” He starts to round his desk and I hold my hand out, warding him off and stopping him in his tracks. “Please, Declan.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“I’m scared, too.”
I see the confusion and fear on his face. He slides his hands into his pockets and watches me for a moment. “Why does this feel bad?”
“It’s not meant to be bad.”
He drops his voice. “Then why won’t you let me come hug you?”
“Because I’m broken, Declan.” I suck in a shaky breath. “I’ve been broken most of my goddamned life, okay? Let’s be honest that you don’t need me anymore. You haven’t for years. Yes, youloveme,” I quickly add when he starts to protest. “You’reinlove with me. Yes, Igetit. I think George really loves me, too. But if the two of you are serious about wanting me, then I need to have this talk with him. And I want to do that tonight.”
It takes him a moment to respond. “I thought that’s what that weekend was about. Him regaining your trust.”
“It was. This isn’t about that. I’m carrying around some really old, ugly baggage. I’m ready now to see if he’s willing to deal with that and completely accept me for who and what I am.”
He looks hurt. “Is this something you never told me?”
I nod.
“Why not?”
“Why didn’t I tell you?”
“Yeah.” He takes a step from behind his desk and leans against the end of it. “Case, we’ve been together for, what, twelve years now? When do you trustme?”
“Because you weremine.” I cross my arms over my chest. “Becausemyburden wasn’tyoursto bear. Because—”
“Because you didn’t think I could handle it?”
“No, I didn’t. You were eighteen years old when we got together. I wanted you to succeed. I wanted you focused on work. I didn’t want you trying to figure out how to fixmewhen thatwasn’tyour job.”
“Is this about Junior?” His gaze returns to mine, steadily holding it.
