When she booked our room, she got us a suite and paid for it out of George’s personal funds, so it wouldn’t look suspicious or fall under deeper scrutiny at some future time.
After my retelling of the events—of the weekend and of last night—she turns from me and takes a couple of steps away.
I don’t speak. Damn, I barely evenbreathe.
Finally, I hear her sigh. She returns to me and reaches in to cup my cheek. “No more breath play.Period.”
I swallow back my disappointment. ‘Yes, Ma’am.”
“I should fucking punish you for letting him do that to you. I told you no on that. But that was before George, and I never clarified it, so I suppose I can’t fault you for allowing it. Butneveragain. I’ll tell him so you don’t have to, don’t worry.”
I blink back a prickle of tears that take me by serious surprise. “Yes, Ma’am. Thank you.”
“You really can’t tell him no, can you?”
It takes me a moment to finally shake my head and admit it to her. “No, Ma’am. I don’t think I can now.”
“Oh, Declan.” Her thumb strokes my cheek. I press my face into her warm hand, nuzzling her. “He isn’t stable right now. You realize that, right?”
I do, but I don’t care. “I think I’m helping him.”
“I think you are, too, but answer myfuckingquestion, counselor.”
“He’s…not. But he’s getting better. He’s already better than he was.”
“He’s got PTSD. A bad case, which has been untreated and is finally catching up with him.”
She’s not wrong. I nod. “Yes, Ma’am. I believe you’re right.”
“With the stress of the election coming up, he’s only going to get worse if we don’t wrestle him under control. Are youreallyall-in on this? Because without saying too much, he’s part of the long-term plan. You know this. In fact, without him, I have to start over from scratch with the plan.”
I suppress a shiver because I know what she means. “Yes, Ma’am.”
“Okay. Here’s a new rule for you. If I say no to something, even if he says yes,I’mstill your final authority. Youhaveto trust me when I say this intervention is needed. I also have to lay down some new laws and guardrails for the man before he fucks up beyond redemption, personallyorprofessionally. That means a united front from us. Can you do that? Be loyal tome?”
I nod.
“I need to hear yousayit, Declan.Picka side.Now.”
It almost physically scrapes my soul that here, in private, she’s calling me by my name instead of boy.
“Yes, Ma’am. I am loyal to you.”
“I need leverage against him to keep him moving forward and on course.Youare now that leverage, since I no longer have Ellen to guide him.”
Fuck. I hate myself, but I still say it. “Yes, Ma’am.”
“Therefore, think about your loyalties for a moment, Dec. Think long and hard. Think about the long game, the promises I’ve made you. Promises I willabsolutelykeep when the time and opportunity present themselves.” She arches an eyebrow. “We tracking?”
This above all else means I will honor my loyalties to her. “Yes, Ma’am. I am tracking.”
“If I tell you we’re resigning and George is on his own, you walkwithme. There is no negotiation about this. I can’t have you undercutting my position with him.”
I have to suck in a breath at that thought, and it’s painful, aching. “Yes, Ma’am.”
“Sayit, Declan.”
My breath hitches. “If you say we’re resigning, I resign with you, Ma’am.”
