A survivor.
I strip off my shorts and wrap the towel around my waist after I finish drying myself. He motions for me to follow him into the living room, and, of course, I do. He picks up his laptop and holds it so I can read the document he’s composing.
It’s addressed to Hal Shipman, chairman of the Tennessee Republican Party. Dated today, it’s short and sweet.
Deal Hal,
After a great deal of consideration, contemplation, and prayer, I’ve decided that I am not going to run for re-election as governor of Tennessee and am withdrawing from the race. It has been an emotionally turbulent two years for myself and my family, and what I need to do is retire from public life for now and focus on my loved ones. This is not a decision I make lightly. I know that it puts the state party in a bit of a bind with the short notice. I promise whoever you back to run for my office, I will throw the full weight of my existing campaign structure behind them, as well as take all legal steps to transfer as much funding to them as is allowed by election laws, either directly, or by purchasing in-kind advertising or other support.
Regards,
George S. Forrester
Governor.
I’m…stunned.
I have to read it several times before I finally look into his eyes.
“Tell me to send that, and then marry me,” he quietly says. “Or tell me to stay in the race, and, together, we try to figure this out as we go, with you by my side. Then we’ll get married after I’m out of office, whenever my term expires. Either way. Your call.”
I stare at him, certain I’ve misheard him. “Sir?” I can’t help it—it feels so damnednaturalto call him that.
All this would be infinitely easier if it didn’t.
He takes the laptop from me, sets it on the coffee table, and takes my hands in his. “Marry me, Declan. I love you, and I need you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
His words take a moment to filter through my brain. “But…what about the kids? Accepting me as your boyfriend is different than accepting me as your husband.”
“They love me, and they want me to be happy.” He stares at me with those blue eyes that penetrate the darkest depths of my soul. “Youmake me happy. At a time in my life when I genuinely thought I would never again know what happiness feels like,youmake me happy. Every time I’m with you I realize that youaremy happiness.”
A lot of things flash through my brain. A childhood of pain, crushing loneliness.
With my humiliation-fueled rage spent and extinguished, I know I do love Casey, and I think in her way she loves me, too.
Except she’s full of fear and while I know she finds her own form of solace in what we do, it feels like nothing I do with her actually…helpsher.
The way what I do with Georgehelpshim.
Heals him.
When I think about George, and what we do together, I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t help and heal me, too. He quiets the ever-present thoughts in my head so I can simply breathe andbe.
Plus…
I love him.
Not just love him, but I’minlove with him. I love Casey, too, don’t get me wrong. But there’s something different in my heart for George now that surpasses what I feel for Casey.
“You’ll still be able to see Casey,” he adds. “I’m not taking that off the table. But Ineedyou, Declan.Please. I can’t lose you. If what you need is for me to resign so we can be together publicly, then I will. If you want me to stay in the race and try to get re-elected, I will. If I get re-elected, and you want to keep working for me and helping me run the state, we’ll do that and wait to get married until after I’m out of office. But whatever we do,youchoose.”
“But…” I stare at him. “You’re in charge,” I lamely say.
He shakes his head. “This isyourchoice. Outside of my kids, what Ineedis to make sureyouare happy. I’m sorry I’ve done such a shitty job of it so far. I take full responsibility for that. Tell me what you need from me.”
Fear of some sort has governed a large portion of my life, and I don’t mean only when I was a kid. Although, yeah, that, too.
Isn’t this what I always wanted? Someone to love me for who I am? Who unflinchingly looks at me and sees me and not my past?
