Nodding, I add it to the list. “Anything I need to get for you from their house? Paperwork? Powers of attorney?”
“No.” She sniffles, and I falter, looking at her. “The manila envelope in my safe has the powers of attorney in them, and copies of all their personal information, and their…wills.”
A thousand-yard stare fills her light brown eyes. “Can…can you take over my cases for me for now? All of them? Paid and pro bono?”
“Of course.”
She nods. “Thanks. You have my password for my login. Get with Lila, and she’ll get you the details of who I’m handling.” Then she grabs a tissue and dabs at her eyes. “Fuck.” She’s shaking her head. “Thiscan’tbe real.” When she meets my gaze again, there are tears in her eyes. “Pleasetell me this is a nightmare, Dec.”
I set my phone aside and pull her into my arms to hold her. She crumples against me, softly sobbing.
That crushes me.
“They’re both strong and in excellent health,” I say. “If the plane ditched intact, I know he got them both out. As Ellen always says, he’s a tough motherfucker.”
Except we both know those are useless words. We have no idea if the plane ditched, or if it exploded in mid-air, or if it nose-dived into the water and disintegrated.
The chances of them surviving are slim to none.
Still, I feel the need to try to instill hope in her.
Even if I have none of my own right now.
* * * *
Three weeks after this nightmare began, and tomorrow we’re having the memorial for Ellen and George. They recovered Ellen’s body, but not George’s.
We might never have answers, resolution. It leaves me feeling hollow and bitter. He wasn’t merely a coworker, or someone I worked for in the course of his campaign or official state duties. I considered him a mentor and a close friend. Him and Ellen, both.
Casey is her usual stoic self in public or around the kids or George’s brothers. But…
In private, I’m seeing the vulnerable side of her I honestly had thought didn’t exist. Throughout the years I’ve seen her in “neutral” mode countless times, just plain Casey. Butthiswoman is shattered and broken in ways I didn’t think possible for her.
In ways I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to help her put back together again.
Damn sure know I’ll do my best to try. Like hell will I ever walk away from her. She’s the only woman I’ve ever been with, and the only one I ever want to be with. She’s the love of my life.
Right now, she reminds me in some ways of my mother—no, not the age difference, asshole—but the deep well of grief front and center in her life and consuming her from the inside out. There is no solace I can give her.
The atmosphere at the law office is one of stunned disbelief, quiet grief. Casey hasn’t let anyone clean out George’s office yet, not that anyone’s tried.
None of us have the heart to.
We attended the somber swearing-in ceremony of George’s and Ed Willis’ successors last week. There were few dry eyes in the house. That office—the Speaker’s office—Casey and I will clean out this weekend. She’d asked for them to wait to let us do it the weekend after the memorial service, and they kindly agreed.
I’m at home tonight because Casey wanted to be alone last night. In the morning, I’ll drive her to the memorial, even though the kids asked if she wanted to ride with them and their uncles, George’s brothers.
I know without asking that it’s because Casey knows she’s going to break down in a very ugly way and doesn’t want them witnessing it. She hasn’t told me the full story yet, but Iknowshe and Ellen were far more than just friends back in college. She’s not only broken-hearted from the double loss of her friends and of a coworker.
She’s mourning a lost love.
George didn’t know, because Ellen didn’t want him to know.
Is it wrong to feel a little jealous of the dead? That maybe the reason Casey will never marry me is because she never healed from the pain of Ellen marrying George?
And in that case, how could Casey remain so close to not only Ellen, but to George, too? Just watching them together, I know she cares about George. It’s not just an act or a mask with her. She trusts the man, as a friend and professionally.
I’m not sure I could be so magnanimous. Which is one of the many reasons I love this complex woman with all my heart.
