Chapter Twenty-Two
There’s something to be said about sitting through that morning’s meeting and smiling as I watch Declan wear one ofmyneckties.
Maybe it’s not a collar, but it’s the next best thing. Maybe even better, because he and I both know it’s mine, it’s out there in the open, and no one else knows.
Well, except Casey.
Even better—she knows it’smynecktie on him.
My territory is marked in a way not even she can replicate right now.
I know I’m on his mind, too, because every time he catches me staring at him, a little smile curves his lips and his cheeks pinken.
And he touches his tie.
We’re at work, though, so none of us talk about what happened. And it turns out Declan can’t spend tonight with me, because I forgot I have a fundraising event to attendtonight that’ll run late, and Dec and Casey have to be at budget negotiation meetings with staffers over at the capitol, which’ll probably run until midnight or later.
So here’s me at home at almost midnight Wednesday, just aboutpacingmy house like a damned caged tiger. It’s a stupid analogy, but it’s the only one I can think of.
Then I go find Ellen’s old Kindle. The newest one I’d givenher ahead of the trip had been in her carryon and—
I choke that thought off.
I take it up to my bedroom and plug it in. Once it’s got enough of a charge to turn on, I do. Then I lie in bed and find that book and read it.
And find myself rubbing outtwoangry orgasms while reading it.
Angry, because I’m alone and Declan isn’t in bed with me.
Angry, because my girl isn’t here with me.
Caseywas right—Ellen had a bunch of collections set up in her account, and this book was listed in one she’d titledFavorite MMMMMM.
I’m not sure if that descriptor was because of the sexual pairings of the books she’d placed there, which were all men, sometimes two and sometimes way more than two, or because of the noises she made while reading them.
I manage maybe two hours of sleep and it’s earlyThursday morning when the screaming wind starts to return.
Casey watches me closely during our morning meeting, but three of the other staffers are in there with us, so Case doesn’t make any comment.
Declan glances at me a lot, more than he used to. Once we’re finished, I notice but don’t comment on how he hesitates at my office door before following Case out.
Like he was hoping I’d ask himto stay for a moment.
Tonight, they have to be at more budget talks that will run late, meaning he can’t come over.
By Thursday afternoon, the screams have returned with a vengeance. I feel unsettled. I can’t explain how antsy, how…
No.
Angry.
I feelangry.
I don’t know why.
I mean, I kinda do, but there’s no discernible target for me to unleash on. It’s life, it’s Fate, it’s the crueltyof random bad luck that shifted my life hard in a direction I never wanted it to go, and now making the best of the situation and unable to imaginenotgoing down this new path, since I find myself here anyway.
I miss Ellen. This recent series of events pounds home to mehowmuch I miss her, how damnedaloneI really am.
