Chapter Five
Now
Not even two hours into our “cram session,” as Case has dubbed it, and I’m already beginning to drag. It’s difficult for me to keep my mask in place for so long this late in the week while in such close proximity to strangers.
Mostly because I don’t sleep well, and haven’t since my return. As in, I’m lucky if I get maybe an hour or two of sleep at a time, muchless total for a night. Any night I manage four hours of sleeptotalis damned rare.
Weekends, while I do have to “work” by reading through materials, answering emails, and other tasks, is usually my recovery time. Case schedules the bare minimum appearances for me on weekends, usually charity stuff I can get into and out of in under an hour. Grip-and-grins I can quickly escape from.
She alwaysdrives me, or rides with me in the car, if troopers are driving me.
After, I always spend the return ride slumped in my seat, exhausted, drained.
Spent.
Even my kids try not to bother me on the weekends. Hell, Aussie’s going to school here in Nashville and I still don’t see her very often, between her time spent studying and with her friends. She’s living in a dorm, an experience I’m glad she’sable to have. She asked if I wanted her to change her arrangements and live at home, and I told her no. She’s really been looking forward to dorm life.
It wouldn’t do either of us any good.
Plus, living alone means less time I’m forced to hold my mask in place.
You’d think after two years of this that I’d be better at it than I am, but it doesn’t get any easier. It never does, no matter whatgrief specialists may tell you.
Ellen was the center of my universe. Yes, I’m a father, but my kids are adults now. Aussie’s always been older than her years, very mature, an old soul, as Ellen said.
Without Ellen, I’m still as adrift as I was in the damn life raft.
Worse?
I have to pretend that I’m not.
I think I’m running for re-election more because Case has assumed that’s what I’m doing,and I honestly don’t have the strength to fight her. She’s absolutely right about Ellen, though. If she was here, she’d be chastising me for wanting to give in and give up.
Except if she was here, I wouldn’t feel like giving in and giving up.
My state needs me. I’ve done a lot of good, silenced a lot of potential liberal critics who assumed, despite my voting record, that I would try to instituteroll-backs of what few progressive social policies have been enacted in our state.
It only took me the better part of a year to convince them we were on the same side. Yes, I’m fiscally conservative, but taking care of people in my state and protecting them is my first priority. Getting environmental protection laws passed so even if the feds try to weaken their regs, I can still protect ourlands and our air and our water for our residents.
I helped get Medicaid expanded, which made for some GOP howling. Until the numbers started coming in, showing I was right, that it would save us money in the long run by taking the burden off hospitals and taxpayers to fund uncovered medical expenses. That people who have preventative treatment and affordable options don’t get as sick and thereforetake less money to keep well.
Once my fellow GOP lawmakers realized how popular these initiatives were with voters, they finally jumped on board and tried to claim it was their idea the whole time.
Fuckthem.
No, seriously,fuckthose guys.
But can Isaythat?
No. Because I’m the damn governor, and I’m supposed to be respectable.
The bottom line is the only thing that matters—after my timein office, our residents are better off than they were before. We’ve also managed to attract more business to our state with tax breaks, helping to improve the lives of people by creating jobs and drawing more income to areas in desperate need of services. By getting some manufacturers to agree to help underwrite infrastructure improvements in exchange for tax breaks, they get a write-off thatdoesn’t negatively get shouldered by the common person, and local governments get assistance they might not have been able to afford before.
Win-win.
See? We’re not all greedy old perverts.
Although I will admit that once I’m out of office I probably will be changing my party affiliation. Not sure yet if I want to become an Independent or a Democrat. Either way, peoplewillcome after me forit and accuse me of being a RINO for my own purposes.
