“What do you mean by final say-so?” I ignore the part about not being gay or bi, because she’s absolutely right.
I don’t knowwhythis is working, ifyou can call it “working.” It’s dysfunctional and ugly and painful in a lot of ways for both of us, but he keeps coming back for more, and I keep letting him.
I’m afraidnotto.
I sleep when he’s with me.
I sleep better than I have in two years, and it has nothing to do with the sex.
I mean, noteverythingto do with the sex. Maybe a little.
“Iset the rules,” she says. “I also get accessto him wheneverIwant. A girl has needs, you know. I’ve put a lot of years and training into that boy. I’m pretty damn fond of him.” I look for a hint of her trademark smile and don’t see it.
That…scares me.
“What else?” I ask.
“No, you agreefirst, then we continue.Iset the rules, George. He’smyboy, andIhave a responsibility to him. If you can’t accept that, then we need to stop thingsnow. Deal?”
I nod. “But I’m not submitting to you, Case.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
I nod again for her to continue.
She studies me for a moment. “I’m going to do some research. We need to be careful, because in this town, you’re right that everyone is up inside everyone else’s business. If I think you’re going too far off the rails, I’ll make you an appointment to talk to someone, and youwillgo. Otherwise, I pull Declan, we both submit our resignations, and you’re on your own. And I mean that. Don’t bother going around me on this one. I already made him agree to it.”
Terror fills me, tightening my throat. I nod, maybe too quickly, too sharply, blinking back more tears, because her thumb strokes my cheek where her hand is still pressed to my face.
“I wouldn’t do it without warning.”She’s still using a too-soft voice, making me focus on her. “I’d give you a chance to make it right. Butonlyone chance. No second chances.”
“Okay.”
“If I tell you there’s something you can’t do with him, then it’s off-limits, even if he wants it. Period.”
“Isn’t that taking his choice from him?”
“You’re not in a condition to gauge that. The George I knew before? I’d absolutely trust himto make that call. But not right now.”
“The George you knew before wouldn’t be with a guy, because Ellen would be alive.”
“Fair point.” The hint of a sad smile finally teases her lips. I suck in a little relief as I breathe. It can’t be all horrible if she’s almost smiling, right?
“I know neither of you were religious,” she says. “But I want to believe she’s smiling down on you right now andcheering you on.”
“Why?” I ask, because apparently Iama masochist.
“Because your girl was fucking kinky, George. Before she had you and the kids. And I don’t mean what the two of you did, either.”
I blink. “What?”
“Honey, if she’d had the slightest inclination way back then that you might be willing to experiment, before you had the kids, she would’ve been talking you into visiting a swingersclub or something. Shereallywanted to see you plow a guy while he went down on her. Or be in the middle of the two of you fucking her. Or be under a guy and getting fucked by him while you fucked him. I told you about her Kindle account.”
We’ve once again returned to mental jungle territory, where it feels like I’m lost and can’t see any kind of trail. “Just because someone reads a lot of—”
“Comeon, George. This isEllenwe’re talking about. She knew you loved politics, once you got the bug for it. Between the kids, and politics, she knew it wouldn’t happen. Not in this state, anyway. Maybe in Florida or something. Sheneverwould’ve risked your career. She wasabsolutelyyour good girl. Shecompletelybelonged to you.”
I don’t know how I’m supposed to react to this.
