AndIfailedthem.
“Ibroke protocol.” I feel I require this confession, these witnesses.
I have to own my shit.
“Never should have worked the rope,” I add. “I fuckingknowbetter.” The words choke in my throat. “Idid this.”
They exchange a glance, and Iknow. John tips his head forward for a moment, considering, then looks at me. He would normally never broach this subject, but this isn’t normal for any of us. It’s the stress, and the adrenaline crash, and the worry, and the knowledgethey will face a ration of shit from the director, no matter how hard I go to bat for them once I can think straight.
“Tell me the truth, Chris,” he softly says. “If we’re talking about things that remain inside this room, then tell me thetruthso that, if they even let us remain on detail, we can do our jobs better. We all know the three of you are…close. Butwhois he?”
Of course these menwon’t talk. The shit I’ve seen with them at my side—the stuff none of us have talked about, because it’s ourjobnot to talk about it—I have to confess it.
Denying Kev, or my love for him, is not an option in this darkest moment of my soul. Maybe Kev would never know I denied him in this circumstance.
ButIwould.
And that’s one thing too much that I cannot live with or have occupying my conscience.
Sitting up in the recliner, I lean in the way I have countless times already and gently wrap my fingers around Kev’s right hand. I have his bracelet and ring, both on my right hand. I stare at him as I stroke the backs of his fingers with my thumb.
“He’smine,” I admit as I will him to wake up. “Ours, but specifically mine. Shae loves him, too. He’s been mine for…” I carefully consider my answer,because I’d never stopped loving or missing him after that week so long ago. “Alongtime. Then hers, too, when he started working for her before her election. He came to work for her because of me. Because I asked him to.”
Close enough to the truth.
I continue. “Obviously, it’s easier for her to spend time alone with him without raising questions, but now you understand why no one can everoffer him enough money to hire him away from us, or why he’ll never willingly leave his post when most presidents have gone through two chiefs of staff, or more, by this point in their administration.”
A soft breath escapes John. “Damn,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry, Chris.” He gets now why I won’t leave Kev’s side.
He understands completely why I totally blame myself.
It’s also more personalnow, the way it would be if it was one of the kids who’d been shot.
The way it was when my brother died.
In their minds, Kev has subtly shifted frominner circletofamily, even more than the dubious honor of getting shot accomplished for him.
From this point forward, as long as Shae’s in office, Kev will now be handled with kid gloves, given a driver, a detail—whatever is felt he needs—toprotect him.
He’ll no longer have the luxury of refusing protection.
Ever.
Because even if I wasn’t going to make it a fucking order from Sir to his boy, the brass upstairs will makesureit happens, as long as Kev’s a part of this administration. The only thing they hate more than someone getting hurt or killed on their watch is it happening a second time.
And in no reality do Ieverwantto contemplate that he won’t wake up and return to us. The only way I can survive this is if I concentrate onwhenhe wakes up and is healed and returns to work.
The only bright spot in this whole mess?
Finally, I now have a publicly acceptable reason to permanently move Kev into the residence with us. I’ll ask Shae to “joke” about it with staffers, tell people that I put my foot down as Kev’sbest friend to make it so, and that she had to keep her “little man” happy.
Happy hubby, happy…
Whatever.
Happy spouse, happy house?
My phone buzzes a few minutes after ten with a text from Shae.
