“Because you know whatwillstop abortions? Governments have done studies proving that when proper sex education is combined with easy access to low-cost birth control, abortion rates godown. You know why? Because people are less likely to havean unplanned pregnancy if they have access to sex education and birth control. While we’re at it, there is no ‘war on Christmas!’ Say ‘Merry Christmas’ if you want to, but don’t get pissy if someone tells you ‘Happy Holidays.’ Just be glad they wished you well, and don’t be an asshole!
“You want it both ways. You want to claim some moral high-ground, yet you want to screw people over for yourown gain. You want freedom to practice your religion, while at the same time you demand the freedom to shove your religion down someone else’s throat. You claim you want smaller government while trying to increase how invasively the government can regulate consenting adults and their love lives and their bodies and their religious beliefs.
“You know what? You can’t have it both ways. You can’tclaim to be for the Constitution while trying to do everything within your power to dismantle what it and our founding fathers stand for. You can’t claim to be a conservative and then try to eliminate the very attributes that used to make our party great.
“What thehellis wrong with you people? Do you get off on trying to ruin people’s lives just because they’re different from you? Trying tojustify your actions by saying, ‘I’m a Christian, but…’ doesn’t get you off the hook. It doesn’t make you morally superior. It makes you an asshole. It’s no wonder so many disenfranchised voters have left the GOP and either registered as Independent, or Democrat, or Libertarian, for fuck’s sake. The best we have are leaving, and the hyenas are in charge of the hen house. This is why the Democraticparty is increasingly fractured—because socially liberal conservatives have joined it, trying to find a political home.
“Do you know how much money flows into this network to control what you think and how you harass your lawmakers? An awful lot. You think you’re watching this network and it makes you smarter than the ‘libtards,’ but I have to tell you something—the network and their shady corporateoverlords spend tens ofmillionsof dollars on studies and techniques to spin things to make you think and vote and buy the waytheywant you to.”
He’s practically screaming now.
“Large, global conglomerates are trying to tell you to think of America first. You want to know why? Because they want you kept scared, and stupid, and gullible.That’swhy. Outside of hard news, this network’s programmingis nothing more than one really long commercial for special interests to influence your vote. Even mine. And—”
The picture changes as a commercial interrupts him. I realize the control booth just cut him off.
Stunned, I sit back and draw in a deep breath, barely remembering I still have my Pad Thai in my lap.
I wait through the commercial break, which feels unusually…long. Finally, it’s replacedby a replay of last night’s episode ofThe Daily Readout, which starts from the beginning.
Uh-oh.
I grab my personal cell phone and scroll through my Twitter timeline.
It’s already exploding with howls of rage and laughter from both sides of the political aisle.
Kev will likely be out of a job by tomorrow, if not tonight.
There’s no coming back from something like this. Maybe before he turnedhis guns on the network, perhaps.
But that was a step too far, I’m sure. After this, he’ll likely be finished in cable TV news, which is a fucking shame. He’s brilliant, he’s insightful, he’s knowledgeable about politics.
He’s—
I blink, the idea slamming into me, horrifyingly perfect.
So perfect I actuallygiggle.
And I know exactly how to make Kevin say yes.
I open the Signal app on mypersonal phone and use it to dial Shea’s personal cell, where she also uses the app for privacy.
She answers. “Yes, Sir?”
That means she’s alone, probably still at home and preparing to leave for her shindig.
“This will sound crazy,” I say, “but I just found you your campaign manager for your presidential campaign.”
