Chapter Twenty
Ben catches me as I’m stepping out of my study. Rather than a walk-and-talk, I detour to his office to go over a few things and then head upstairs.
The kids have already started eating, and Chris is just sitting down with his plate. He likes to cook dinner for and with them as much as possible, to have them help him cook, a family bonding ritual I wish I couldtake part in more often.
Kev often does, when he’s here.
“You just missed Leo,” Ivy tells me.
“I saw him downstairs and told him to come say hi.” I fake a smile and slide into a chair. “Homework all done?”
“Shae, take my plate, hon,” Chris says, starting to stand. “I’ll make myself another one.”
I stay him with a hand. He’snotpulling Sir bullshit on me right now. “No, I’m good. Just sitand eat. I’ll need to run back downstairs in a little while anyway. I have some calls to make.”
I get the kids talking about homework, and stuff they did at school today, and even though it’s still months away I get them thinking about their motherfucking Christmas lists to Santa, because yes, I’mthattricky. I bring up how they’re going to get to help pick out the Christmas tree for the residence,and decorate it, and all sorts of fun we’re going to have.
Anything to keep a conversation going so Chris doesn’t have an easy way to box me in.
We’re already getting their passports arranged so we can take them to England with us at the end of November. I have to attend a summit in London, and Chris is going to take them and their grandparents sightseeing.
Chris maintains his arched eyebrowso long I’m pretty sure he’s going to get a forehead cramp.
Once dinner ends, I move to stand when the kids get up to take their plates into the kitchen, but Chris points at me and makes a motion I know damn well. One Kev’s used on me countless times.
Stay.
Fuck that noise.
I’m meeting his gaze as I stand, shoving my chair back a little harder than I intended, and then I turn and leave thedining room.
He’s not my Sir.
I mean, heis, but he’snot.
Not the one Ineedright now.
Not the one I need because I feel like I’m letting him down by not being there for him.
Leo’s “empty well” comment comes to mind.
Chris will stay upstairs with the kids now because Yasmine has left for the day. I mean, sure, he could tag in one of the Secret Service agents, since we’ve requested at leasttwo female agents be on duty at all times when the kids are home, just in case we need them for the girls for some reason if I’m not there, but he’s a good dad.
He’s a far better dad than I am a mom, that’s for damn sure.
I feel…broken.
I’m alone downstairs in my study and on a call with a diplomat in Japan a little before midnight when one of the agents appears in my study doorway.
My heartpounding, I ask the diplomat to hold on and instead of muting the call I go old-school and cover the mouthpiece with my hand. “Yes?”
He looks…uncomfortable. “Mr. Bruunt asked me to tell you he’s going out, and that he requested one of the agents stay upstairs with the children until you return.”
Shit. “Where’d he go?”
“He didn’t tell me that, ma’am.”
Goddammit.
