I shiver. “Would he have run for president?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. He says no, but I’m not so sure.”
“So can you do me a favor?” I ask.
“I’ll try.”
“If I have Chris coordinate visits with you guys, can we try to work in visits with Michelleand Benchley, too?”
“Absolutely, we can do that.”
“He said he hopes Susa doesn’t want to run for higher office.”
Carter leans back, running a hand through his hair. “Between you and me, that makes two of us. But if she does, we’ll do it. Because I want her to be happy.”
I think about the three children now living upstairs. “How do I keep the kids happy?”
“That is not an easy answer. Focuson being a parent as much as you can. As much normal stuff as possible. Help them with their homework. Have a routine. Dinner around the table every day, even if all you can spare is twenty minutes. But when you’re there with them, beallthere. They need to know Mom is there for them.”
I think back to Momma. No matter how busy she was, she sat down with me every day in the evening to go overmy homework with me. Even subjects she didn’t understand. In those cases, she asked me to explain stuff to her, to see if I knew it.
But the point was, I didn’t feel second-place to her job, ever.
In my life, she was Momma first, and State Senator Marlene Samuels second.
“I think I know what you mean,” I say.
“And we’re a phone call away.”
We both stand and he offers me a hug. “Thanks forcoming with him,” I say.
“Glad I could. I mean, not the circumstances, but—”
“Yeah, I know.” I put the letter away and we return to the residence, where Chris and Kevin are sitting with Benchley in the living room and talking shop—of course—ahead of my reelection.
Chris holds a small glass of amber liquid on ice and looks…
Exhausted on a soul level.
I don’t want to hurry Benchley and Carterout. I should have invited them to stay overnight in the guest rooms. But once they leave, Kevin and I tuck Christopher in and we head back down to my office.
As we walk close together, we don’t hold hands, but he lets me brush the back of my hand against his, as if it’s accidental contact. That’s as much as he’ll allow me outside the residence, even when there are no members of the public inthe White House.
I close the curtains and then without me even asking, Kevin sits in my chair and pats his lap. He knows me.
I curl up there, kicking my shoes off so I can tuck myself tight against him while he wraps his arms around me. I’m not expecting to cry again this hard, but I do, softly sobbing, my face buried against his chest and his strength wrapped around me. I don’t even know howlong we sit there, but he knows what I need.
I needed Sir, and he’s here. My Prophet, his quiet, steady strength. The sadist is fun, too, but tonight Priest is wrapped in his own bubble of pain and he needs to work through it in his way. We’ll all spend the night in bed together, with Chris snuggled between us, but he has to process by himself. That’s him. That’s what he’s asked of us, a littletime alone right now, and we have to respect that.
Kev gently rakes his nails up and down my outer thigh once I’ve calmed myself. “Can you talk about it, sweetie?”
Instead, I take out the letter and let him read it, tucking myself against him again while he does, my eyes closed.
I know he’s finished reading by the sound of his soft exhale. Then I hear him fold the letter and tuck it back intothe envelope. “We need to put this somewhere safe,” he finally says. “It can’t stay in here. It can’t see the light of day while Benchley and Michelle are alive, and not while Susa’s still in office, or running for other offices. And we can’t tell Chris.”
“I know. Please, Sir?”
“Okay. I’ll put it someplace safe. Nothing on it identifies you by name, so that’s smart on her part.” I hear him dropit on my desk, then his hand returns, stroking my back. “Did he tell you…more than what’s in there?”
